:)

2006-10-23T23:01:00.000+08:00

a thousand light years away;

i've got this horrible naggy feeling within me that keeps telling me that all this was a mistake.
i absolutely hate feeling this way because i know it isn't but my brain&heart obviously isn't thinking/feeling the same, dammit.
time never really was the matter, i dont know what im talking about.

sometimes, i think i worry too much.
i think too far and i keep wondering what's gonna happen later when all i should do is think about just today & tomorrow.

i've been thinking about how much i've changed, since .. then.
i think about things much more than i used to, now i just can't stop thinking.
it's as though every single action makes me wonder, im feeling very stupid.

talk is cheap,
&everything else is just too damn expensive.

i KNOW i've got nothing to worry about, ok im starting to hate myself.

so much for not wanting to blog during this period of harcore studying before the Os - i seem to have this urge to just let everything spill.

i shall go do more chem to make this day seem more productive although it's gonna be tomorrow soon, i dont care. i just want this horrible feeling to go away, it's making me feel so awful about myself.

i feel so horrible dammit, ugh.

2006-10-23T21:52:00.000+08:00

i had my first proper meal in 5 days. somehow after that i got incredibily hungry (and possibly greedy too), which led to another drink plus fries at Mos, followed by dinner.
then again, it's good that i ate because the mother finally stopped nagging at me about the lack of food i seem to consume this past week.

samrina says she'll pay me $5 to go for prom, and another $5 if i fall flat on my face due to the pair of heels im supposed to wear together with a dress. apparently many people aren't going because they won't have enough time to shop etc since combinedscience only finishes on the 20th & we've got a PAE talk on the 21st. okay, whatever.

im so fucking tired, seriously. every night when i go to bed at slightly past midnight, im so tired that im probably asleep the second my head touches the pillow but i wake up like 5 times in the wee hours of the morning. that explains why im constantly so tired in the day time, fuck. last night i had this dream where everyone i knew was chasing me and laughing their heads off, and i woke up this morning feeling so tired as though i had really run for the whole night/morning, gah.

today was unproductive ; i only did one friggin chp of chem tys - MOL.
&my tys is so messy now thanks to someone huh, scribbled everywhere, drew a SNAIL and started shading/colouring my book.
:D

<3

2006-10-22T21:36:00.000+08:00

today was 7hours of the most hardcore chemistry, ever. i feel so tired but accomplished :D
&everything at home is much better, so all's good for now i guess.

&when

did the fear set in?

the fear of losing what isn't mine,

of returning home,

of speaking my mind.

there's this constant fear within,

always telling me to be careful

&wary of strangers.

&magic

is when im with you,

the conversations we have,

the way you look into my eyes

&tell me that everything's gonna be alright.

2006-10-21T18:07:00.000+08:00

make sense of this madness

you make me happier than i've been

by far.

&for everything you've done so far,

i thank you from the bottom of my heart.

2006-10-21T17:17:00.000+08:00

not a day goes by without me feeling so fucking horrible.
so what if im eating much less than i should be, i dont see how it's your fucking problem.

tomorrow i'll get to keep my sanity,
cos im getting out of this fucking house.

2006-10-21T12:18:00.000+08:00

yesterday, someone asked me whether i had a happy childhood. that's the first time i've been asked that, and it stumped me. i remember more angry/sad times than happy ones. i remember argueing with my brother more than anything else and telling myself that i'd hate him for life. Of cos i dont hate him now, i dont even dislike him. maybe we've argued enough to start trusting each other now. i never used to be able to tell him things because he'd be sneaky and tell on me without fail. But now that he's grown a little more & so have i, he's the one im closest to - at home at least.

i would never be able to describe my mother as my - best friend or anything of that sort. it's true, i can tell my parents things but i definitely tell my brother i whole lot more.

my motivation to study has vapourised, literally. i studied&focused a million times better when iw as preparing for prelims compared to now. it's supposed to be the crunch time now isn't it? i should be panicking - well i am, just not enough to make me study.

the stupid library was full yesterday, so we had to move to our same hangout for the past 3 days. i knew i was worrying about going home, i wasn't expecting it to be productive anyway. Home seems to be the last place i want to go to nowadays.

eventually we hit the library, because it's the best place to talk about anything at night.

&you're so right - we're not supposed to know each other.

last night, i studied :D and i studied before i came to use the computer too so double hooray for me thankyou.

so i remember you say alright. it's gonna be over soon, in less than 2 weeks in fact. i've studied longer, i can handle this shit. &after this i can play all i want. so let's get this shit over and done with quick please, because it's getting way too tiring.

last night i was a good girl, cos it only took like 15minutes of persuasion to get me going home.

sometimes i think my brother's the best idiot around.
<3

i think im losing weight since i only eat 1.5meals a day plus 2 cups of coke in the afternoon. now i can actually feel/see my ribs, eew.

midnight messages are the love

2006-10-18T22:21:00.000+08:00

i can't thankyou enough;
for the awesome afternoon, it was so much fun.
&i finally watched simpsons, ok fine la bart rocks :D

thanks to the mother, i cried my fucking eyes out.
&just for once, i didn't even shout back at her.

the walk did me good, i ended up reading a trashy mag in the library.
so thankyou for persuading me to go home, haha you naggy bastard.

i feel a million times better now, thank you.

tmr, im gonna do amath&chem in the library before lunch.
&im gonna stick to this plan YES :D

2006-10-17T21:10:00.000+08:00

4chps of geog in 4hrs, tuition in the afternoon.

:D

i've got a reason to be happy now, because today was such a productive day
&&TENpoints:D

time always flies when it's spent with someone who means something, or more than something.
and this early morning, the time flew by.

2006-10-16T17:46:00.000+08:00

i feel so much better, because i can finally do organic chem - something which has been totally uncomprehensible since forever. :D

it stupid to be scared, i know, but i can't help feeling that way all the same. this feeling of losing something that i dont have, it's driving me crazy. the fact that what's been happening this past few days have been so surreal, &it may just be taken from me - it's scary. But the conversations we've been having have kept me going & the occasional messages too.

midnight soccer, that would be fun. <3

2006-10-15T21:55:00.000+08:00

i preferred it when everything was more .. picture-perfect.

talk is cheap, &everything else is too expensive.

2006-10-15T17:52:00.001+08:00

i hate times like these when i need to pour my heart out, but something in me keeps telling me to keep my mouth shut. i hate it when things go so right, and all it takes is one person to screw it all up. i hate it when i've waited so long, only to be disappointed.

maybe it's good that i left tomorrow hanging without an answer, since i just found out that tmr the folks are going out & i wouldn't want to be spotted walking around with-.

math&chem tuition today, my brain has been fried. thankgoodness i managed to study 2 whole chapters of ss on 31 :D

i can't stand how my mom picks on my brother all day long, it's driving me nuts.

homer<3
(haha)

2006-10-14T21:35:00.000+08:00

i swear im trying very hard; to understand what's going on & to make sense out of everything that has happened since yesterday.
sometimes being so hard to understand can become very trying and tiresome,
but sometimes it's because of this difference that makes things more appealing.

i've not played this game before,
but im gonna learn.

2006-10-14T14:20:00.000+08:00

looks can be decieving, not necessarily in a bad way.
But decieving all the same.

i cannot seem to match everything together;
3 pieces of jigsaw that dont fit well.

serangoon jc, i beg you to take me in please please please.

so unexpected, suddenly these turn of events.
but i've not stopped smiling since last night, haha(:

how the hell am i supposed to get 10points,
ohboy.

time to mug more geog, pfft.

2006-10-13T10:56:00.000+08:00

i almost fell when i got the phone call on the way home in the train yesterday, i swear it was the hardest things to believe.

&this morning,
this feeling's starting to grow on me.

i just keep thinking&wondering,
my mind's filled with a whole lot of
"what if"s.

it's a good thing i dropped bio, cos free periods are the <3 it's the only time i get to stone&think in air-con(: or get some work done, which is almost never. everyone's been taking a whole lot of pictures so far today, im glad i didn't skip school today, for many reasons apart from the fact that it's the last day of school officially.

am i supposed to feel sad, or cry? the amount of dislike i have for this school, gah. then again, it's the people that count - the great friends here, i'll miss you all <3 it's hard to imagine going to a new school next year, hopefully i would be able to go somewhere. time flies by so fast, it's scary. 2 or 3 more weeks to Os, omgomgomg. &talk about bad timing, ohboy.

i dont feel ready for Os, ahh what's new aye. i turn 16 in slightly over 2 months, but i dont even feel 15.

my brother says he's gonna be bored on the train without me every morning, HAHA:D yeah right, we dont even talk. he'll never admit that he misses me, but it's okay cos neither would i! (: he wanted to take the train with me in the morning, silly boy. he doesn't even have school today, hahaha:D

tuition later:( i bet i wont be able to concentrate one bit since i've been daydreaming the whole day already as it is >:(

i neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed to study badly :((

&you make every dream a good one <3

2006-10-10T21:01:00.000+08:00

i can't go anywhere, so much for the 10points improvement - it still made no difference thanks.

mom said dad's coming back tmr, &im not looking forward to it.

it rained a little just now - big fat droplets of rain(:
&i really love everything about the rain; the smell of the rain, getting wet&all the thunder/lightning.

i need to study, i can't focus&concentrate again.

i think someone's gonna get mad with me on thursday/friday.
sorry in advance, it's yours alright.

threemoredays,
&im not talking about school:(

2006-10-07T17:31:00.000+08:00

WOULD YOU LIE WITH ME
& JUST FORGET THE WORLD?

the whole family's got a wedding invite to KL on the 17th nov :D it's mum's cousin, which makes him my grandcousin. i dont feel like going because ; i've got nothing to wear for a ballroom dinner & we only finish Os on the 16th it's gonna be such a rush! i hardly know any of my relatives up in Malaysia, but i wouldn't mind going to KL - im thinking SHOPPING :DD

i hate it when things become so complicated & i dont know what to do. there's only so much that others can say, but bottom line's ; it's up to me to decide. &i hate decisions like these because i've made one too many bad ones already.
i feel so guilty, because friday keeps popping into my head. i feel so stupid, because there's no reason for feeling that way, but i just do alright. i can't erase friday from my mind, &i dont intend to cos it was good i swear - too good.
now im telling you less&less, and you're talking less&less too. you've started playing games again, &i'll play with you. it takes 2 to tango, and you know that oh too jolly well. this exact same thing has happened so many times before, but each time im always at a loss as to what to do.

if only everyday could be a friday,
oh the love <3

2006-10-06T18:37:00.000+08:00

cos it's you&me;

i tried, but i guess i've gotta keep trying & not give up.

today was the shits,
but in so many other ways it was close to perfection(:

tonight, im gonna watch the teevee and relax.
im far to tired to do anything else.

my stupid cousin isn't replying me on msn, dangggg.
>:(

your magic <3

2006-10-05T20:47:00.000+08:00

WHAT CAN A LOVE SONG PROVIDE?

3chapters of chem tys & differentian+areaunderthecurve tys today :D
studying in the canteen's really nice; &the company was fun/funny too.

tmr, please let the results be good.

it'd be so much easier if i were skinny - i wouldn't look so fat all the time&maybe i'd be less bothered about my weight. i admit im not fat fat, but i am fat chubby to say the very least.

ho boy, guess what? dearcousin graceongxuelin's back in singapore :D <3

goodnight(:

2006-10-04T20:44:00.000+08:00

maybe it's better not to have any expectations/goals for myself, then there wouldn't be any reason to be disappointed over nothing right? today turned out better than expected, not just results but the whole day in general.

my L1R5's sky high, but im satisfied since it's a vast improvement from mids. after passing subjects i deemed un-pass-able, i feel so much more motivated to work hard for Os and get a more decent score.

gah, but for once the motivation's there but the focus isn't.

i always took it for granted, but those phone calls made a world of difference. they kept me going constantly & help was never far. thankyou, love.

it's beauty to me <3

2006-10-03T18:58:00.000+08:00

i've gotta keep telling myself it's ok.

today was horrible.
i swear i'll never forget the importance of cross-referencing anymore.
&neither will i ever stop hating mergerandseparation.

long bus rides are the love <3

this is gonna be one long week.

2006-10-02T20:45:00.000+08:00

&all i needed was one more fucking mark, actually just 0.1% more would have sufficed.

why do i always feel so stupid?
i wish she'd stop making me cry.

it's gonna be a bad week, i can feel it.

2006-10-01T16:09:00.000+08:00

those i murdered, didn't die apparently. instead they all came after me, brandishing their knives. it seems as though i can't die, but i can feel pain. i watched as the knives went right through me & continued looking for my train ride back home.

when the going gets tough.

2006-09-30T09:13:00.000+08:00

last night i let the music fill the whole room,
as i shut my eyes
&told myself that nothing could be worse than this.

it's tough to put everything aside,
to pretend that nothing happened
&to say that i'm alright.

goodboy,
you know i love you,
friend.

2006-09-29T18:39:00.000+08:00

i feel so sick and tired. the parent's are at it again - argueing, one day before dad's birthday. it's as though the whole world has mood swings at the same time, fuck. they argue of the dumbest things, always being so petty&childish. it's like a fucking chain reaction - they argue, then mom takes it out on mike&i and so does dad. then mike&i get hell for doing nothing and we start bickering at each other because we're in a bad mood now.

i still haven't decided whether i want to go out for lunch tmr, i hate this. &there's dinner tmr, im wondering how everyone's gonna sit down and have a proper/polite meal in public. shits man, sometimes i really can't take it. it used to be mike&i - the forever-bickering kids, never being able to agree on anything, always saying i-hate-you everytime we got a chance. now it's as though the roles are reversed. it just gets on my fucking nerves everytime i see everything at home going haywire, ugh.

then after every fucking arguement they have, dad will come and bitch to mike&us about how he's pissed with mom. i've lost count of how many times he's bitched to me & told me that he's regret marrying mom. ho, well fucking done.

it feels horrible to know that the prelims are over ( there's nothing i can do about them ) and i prolly did shit. i did merger&separation for ss and K.Ang marked it - it was badly done. what's new? actually being put in the worser chem class isn't as bad as i thought it was; it's a smaller group than the other class, im not surrounded my smartypants & we dont waste time doing stupid difficult prelims papers that would just make me even dumber than i already do AND it's in the AVT :DD

mom totally doesn't notice things that she should, like what i've been doing to myself since last year - until i told her. but these sort of little things, which are totally unnecessary, she takes interest. like, seriously. to think that she actually spoke to michael about it, &said that it would make me very happy (?!), i hereby proclaim that i think she's gone mad.

im dreading next week, with every fibre of my fat being. it's gonna be a very horrible week for sure, what with getting back all the results & having to gone through all the papers. i just hope that the 2 twits deciding whether we get moderation or not, think about the STUDENTS more than the reputation ( or what's left anyway ). i always get the impression that the teachers are dreaming half the time, thinking that we're still so high up there in ranking when actually our standard's so fucking low already.

i just agreed to dinner, omfg.

p.s i just realised that there's this realllyyyyyyy cute guy in my estate :DDDD

2006-09-27T16:07:00.000+08:00

i hate the same dream again - i took a train from tampines to australia & went about murdering everyone in sight.

we got back geog paper1 & chinese today! im so relieved that my chinese compos pulled me :DD
so far, so good(:

i want to eat ice-cream, but i must controllllllll. NO icecream for me - im getting fat >:(

the love song<3

2006-09-25T18:30:00.000+08:00

today was the start of block periods, &just like i'd guessed it turned out to be a real waste of time, thankyou. i never understood the logic behind going through the correct answers without returning the scripts for us to see where we went wrong. maybe the teachers want to avoid the wastage of time everytime we compare marks for the whole lesson - still, it doesn't make sense to me. besides, it's not that im lazy or i have lost my lit question paper - i just never thought they'd go through lit today.

&as usual there's the usual uproar of moderation, pfft. i think it's silly that mrsL told the teachers that they were not to moderate our papers even before she saw how we've done, typical.

i care, but not that much anymore i guess. i did what i could, &what's done is done. Whether i make it JC or not has been decided already (since we've finished all the papers), so it's no use saying anything now & all i can do is make sure i study hard for the Os.

i put on weight, like reallyyyyyyyyyy. oh fuck, ugh.

it felt good to talk to someone, outside of the usual circle. i've shared it with others, but somehow it still bugs me. it was really nice that she just listened to me talk, &all she did was listen. thankyou, my recess friend today (:

oh geez, i do not like such coincidences at all. i thought that was one option definitely ruled out, but noooo thanks to my brother i've been misled. michaelongchinwei, im gonna kill you one day just you wait.

this morning was funny, lois seemed like she was high. &we kept talking about it and she's come with all these weird plans that are SO not gonna work lah, thankyou all the same. :D

im gonna force myself to dream of you, tonight(:

2006-09-24T11:34:00.000+08:00

i know i've said this countless times, but i really dont wanna go back to school tmr. i suspect it's gonna take me a while to get back into study mood - 5wks to the first Olevel pract & 6wks to the first written paper i think? shit.

i've been having bad dreams at night, and that explains why i still have horrible eyebags despite getting 10hrs of sleep for the last 3days. these bad dreams consist of doing really badly for prelims (like worse than mids), getting rejected by ITE (not that i'd apply), murdering people, buying a spanking new house in AUSTRALIA with no money&having the cops after me.

michaelongchinwei thinks i've lost my marbles, thank you very much brother & i love you too idiot.

well, there was an upside to my very weird/scary nightmares - i was stuck on a very long train ride to Australia with you seated opposite me. since when was there a train from Tampines to Australia?

speaking of Australia, the nice 13th floor neighbours are migrating to Adelaide next year. i hope they buy a huuuggeeee house so that we can go over during the holidays. :D &of cos mike's hoping that their luggage would be too full to fit in their xbox such that they'd have to leave it behind & possibly give it to him. yeah righhhhhhhhhhhht.

i think that ever since grace went to sajc six years ago, i've wanted to go there. i can't remember what she said exactly about it that made it sound so appealing, hell it just sounded fun. i dont know why i just typed that, i think i miss grace ong xue lin way too much. i dont even know where she is right now - somewhere in the northern hemisphere, the last time i checked (Europe i think?)
finally something that claire&i agree on; grace had better marry her handsome canadian/chinese boyfriend, cos we want cute mixed blooded pretty nephews&nieces to play with :DD lousy reason, but who cares? shits, i miss my cousins <3

maybe it's time that you know i exist

2006-09-23T20:10:00.000+08:00

the mother has annoyed me many times today, she's really getting on my nerves. she cares more about whether i spilt gravy on the floor rather than whether i scalded my fucking hand &that's just one of the many examples/reasons why she annoys me on a constant basis.

&there she goes again screaming at my brother.

the brother doesn't help either - he's taken a liking to annoying the mother. seriously, can this family get any worse? oh yes, the father's birthday is on the 30th - of this friggin month &have i mentioned we're still not really talking?

on a much much brighter note; she's the man was really good & channing tatum's super hot :D

as much as you probably do not realise, i am sorry. you asked, and i told the truth - except that the truth wasn't what you expected since you thought i felt the same way as you did (which is entirely not my fault). y'know, all i did was be a nice friend&know you have to dump this shit on me.

know what, i REALLY do not wanna go back to school. i really studied for prelims, and i dont want to be disappointed (again). i shall mentally prepare myself to find a job for the 1st 3 months of next year.

2 football games tonight and i have absolutely no mood to watch them at all. sometimes i think my family's great&all, but more than 99.9999999999999999% of the time i hate them.

im starting to ramble, this is stupid.

i want to see you now, mister <3

2006-09-23T12:05:00.000+08:00

im am VERY sleepy & it's only 12.02 pm. all thanks to the mother, who got me at the unearthly hour of 8am (ruining my thought of sleeping for 12hrs straight) just to go grocery shopping with her at ntuc at tm. >:(

we got to ntuc by 9am and it was ALREADY crowded! i was sent about to look for food&such but i took such a long time to find things that mom decided to just let me push the bigfat trolley around. :D

&just when i thought that this was gonna be the most pathetic/boring way to spend my saturday morning, OHBOY i spotted eyecandy (X10000)! - in the form of veryvery cute babies/toddlers! HAHA:D this angmoh lady was pushing the pram which sat her TWIN BOYS! and she had her daughter tagging along as well. ohmygee, i take my hat off to her cos her 2 boys were yelling the whole place down! but they were CUTE lah, blue-eyed&brown haired <3
&& this girl in her green dress(!!) had hair so layered & short that i swear if it were any shorter she'd be a bung. even my mom said that she looked like one lah, haha! but myohmy, she was adorable as hell<3

last night was the shits. i swear i was dreading having to tell you, but no you just had to ask didn't you? &i feel so horrible but i know it couldn't be helped and i'd have to tell you sooner or later.

i shall hit centurysquare later to return my vcds and borrow one more to watch today, &maybe go to the library later too :D i wanna read chickflicks, damnit.

why is almost everyone i know from primary school and is currently in kc now so damn ~~fucking~~ skinny?

im hungry&my brother's annoying.

oh, i dont wanna go back to school on monday :(

2006-09-22T14:59:00.000+08:00

i like this skin, polka dots! THANKYOU VIVVV :DD

i like it when there's no school for me, but there is for my brother. that means i get the house to myself & my mom isn't in a bad mood. i rented monster-in-law and watched it just now, it was gooooooood! (: JLo is a way better than actress than a singer. the show was supeerrrrrrrrrrr funny, haha!

it's always like this - i can't wait for exams to be over when im preparing/in the midst of them, but they are FINALLY over, relief washes over me and i just feel so exhausted. all those plans to have fun all day long just seem so unimportant, somehow.

What can I say amidst your eyes? Nothing more.
What can a love song provide? Nothing more.
Words are a lovely try for something more.
And I want to give to you, give to you

more than a love song can give,
more than a feeling like this,
more than a dim light upon the path you walk,
more than my words can explain,
more than the falling rain,
more than the sun shines upon your lovely face;
it's more than a love song.

And I found a way you call to me.
You show me where,you show me where I used to be.
You bring me there.
And this is the life to seek: something more.
And I want to give to you, give to you

more than a love song can give,
more than a feeling like this,
more than a dim light upon the path you walk,
more than my words can explain,
more than the falling rain,
more than the sun shines upon your lovely face.

That look upon your face,
it's beauty to me.
That look upon,
it's beauty to me,
and it's beauty to me,
and it's beauty to me,
to me, to me, to me, to me, yeah.

More than a love song can give,
more than a feeling like this,
more than a dim light upon the path you walk.
More than my words can explain,
more than the falling rain,
more than the sun shines upon your lovely face;
it’s more than a love song.

It's more than a love song.
It's more than a love song.
It's more than a love song.
It's more than love.

2006-09-20T18:31:00.000+08:00

chem pract was ... better than expected, at least i didn't panick. i kept swearing under my breath when i couldn't figure out the cation, STUPID H+. like, who would think of that? ugh, i knew putting Fe3+ was wrong but at least i didn't leave it blank.

exams end tmr :DDDD &it's time for johntuckermustdie with pj,joz&amanda :D friday's gna be a stayathome&watchvcdsnonstop-day.

i feel like cutting my fringe.

c'mon tmr, hurry here.
&TMR, there's gonna be you<3

2006-09-19T14:32:00.000+08:00

im all alone at home :D mike's not back from school yet & mom's gone all the way to toapayoh to get him new uniform.

obviously she doesn't know when she's crossed the line, not at all. i got all mad by what she said & the other around didn't help because they just assumed what they heard to be what they thought. i admit that she may know me well, but not well enough to tell me how i feel. then she gets all fucking defensive - it's not as though i didn't know what the underlining meaning was bitch.

WHY are the teachers saying that we did badly for emath paper 2? i thought it was o-kay; it wasn't easy but neither was it superduper hard. all the same, they claim they're moderating & i dont mind additional marks. :D

i've often wondered what would happen if i went to kc instead of tkgs. apart from the obvious reasons of not knowing the current many friends that i've made since stepping into this school, i think i would have enjoyed myself there too(: i've always asked myself what it would be like to be stuck with the same bunch of people since primary school. people always assume that kcp&kc's the same kinda school, hell no please. i've never failed to defend kcp everytime someone says that the people there are bitchy etc.

i enjoyed every single year of my primary school education. it's true that there was so much less to learn then, &things weren't that hard. But then again, i never remembered dreading to go to school at all. (except for once when i couldn't find my chinese excersice book & i was really scared the teacher would scold me cos she's REALLLLY tall&has got this booming voice)

tmr's chem practical & im so so scared. i hate it everytime i get nervous and i dont understand the question at all. then i try and calm myself down, take a deep breath & reread that damned thing. by this time, the teacher would be walking about the class & she always has to look at me when im nervous. ANDDDD im always afraid that i'll run out of solution before i've finished testing for gases cos there are so many gases to test for. ok maybe not that many, i just dont like chem practicallllllll :/ then titration! i like swirling the conical flask about, watching out for the colour change and all. but those calculation questions after are ALWAYS my stumbling block!

im listening to all those old westlife songs <3

i can't wait for thursday, come thursday come.

maybe tmr(: <3

2006-09-18T20:06:00.000+08:00

i guess geog mcq was al-right. i checked my answers with Sarah, &we got a couple of different answers but i should do okay ( i hope). i kept having weird&painful headaches today, it wasnt my whole head acheing - more like sharp stabbing pains at the left side of my head only. it would hurt for about 5secs before coming about maybe half an hour later, ugh.

&what i saw after tuition while walking back to the parkway bus stop made me smile to myself - think ; 3 japanese toddles running shrieking in japanese to each other with the widest&most adorable grins i've ever seen. the 2 boys were brother while the girl belong to another lady. the 2 brothers were definitely japanese-angmoh mixed. brown-haired, brown-eyed&rosy-cheeked. &the girl! she had curly hair that curled just right at the tip of her hair, dimples and looked so sweet in that pink dress of hers! i just watched them play together, chasing each other around & shrieking to their heart's content in a language i have no comprehension of at all.
&all i could think of was you.

&WHAT has our English language become?
this girl from Anglican High picked up her handphone&spoke VERY loudly on it (on bus293)
" EH I DUNNNNNN KNOWWW LEHHH! IM AT AVE 9 NOW, BLOCK 496F THE DOWNDAIR."
godbless her English Os.

fever go away, im going to bed now.

2006-09-16T17:10:00.000+08:00

i really dont believe what i just found; it took just 2 pictures of make me so happy(: &those 2 pictures made up for those 2 or 3days. i still can't believe, my luck.

&now the sky's all grey, with thunder rumbling in the distance.
c'mon let it rain, i'll stand by my window and watch the storm go by.
cos i've got you to think of now.

till monday, handsome(:

2006-09-15T18:29:00.000+08:00

so much for the iwontblogtillendofprelims thing, we've only got one more week of prelims left - thank goodness.

2days ago, i had the biggest argument/screaming match with my mom ever. so now, everything that happened this&last year's in the open. it's funny how the older mike&i get, the ~~dumber~~ our parents seem to be. i used to absolutely hate my brother, often wondering what it would be like to be the only child free from the nuisances of a younger sibling. now, im so thankful that he's around. mom&dad always thought that mike didn't like to talk, and that he's the quiet sort which isn't true - he just prefers talking to me then them&frankly so do i.

it's easy bitching to him, because he just lets me rant while he goes about doing his homework. he knows almost all my secrets, none of which i would have even bothered to tell my parents about. for once my dad's the one who can't look me in the eye, ever since he found out 2days ago. &i really dont care, 'cos maybe it's a good thing he finally knows that it hurts everytime he says that sorta thing.

prelim's have been a killer, ever single paper, except maybe emath? then again, everytime i think the paper's alright i'll always find some incredible way to screw up. there's no way im gonna be able to make it to JC for the first 3months, at least.

&im so jealous of michael ong chin wei; he got a chance to see Jonathon Leong when he went back to school for training during the hols! pfft.

geog paper 1, emath paper 1 & chem pract left for next week.

&i can't wait for next thurs, when it all ends. except that i would've to wait for another 3hrs before those bio people finish their practs then we can all go to TM for lunch & the Devil wears Prada :D

i simply cannot believe my bad luck today. i was supposed to go ytday but noooo she claimed i needed a rest & so i went today. &the usual friday people weren't there cos they had gone ytday instead. like, omgireallycan'tbelievemyluckthisissososoannoyingiwanttoscreamoutloud >:(

i have to study & help my brother with math, chinese & physics homework.
goodbye, & study hard all (:

2006-08-25T21:13:00.000+08:00

THINGS I LEARNT TODAY :

1) the school is terribly stingy when it comes to holidays
2) there's no point in panicking about prelims
3) always start bringing home the books under the desk before the last TWO days when the desk needs to be emptied

4) i really really REALLY have a low resistance to sour food
5) Geylang East Library is much much nicer&quieter than Tampines library
6) always check for CCTVs before eating in the library
7) never underestimated the power of AIR-CON despite the really hot&humid weather
8) my RIGHT arm is VERY WEAK :(
9) my LEFT arm ain't too bad! :DD
10) i can write english&chinese characters with my RIGHT hand relatively well, at least it's legible

it's just about the weekend left before prelims. :((
GOOD LUCK to everyone! :DD it's not gonna be easy & i seriously can't wait for this to be OVER(:

till the end of prelims, (hopefully)
all the best to everyone&good bye.

&when the company's good
<3

2006-08-24T20:51:00.000+08:00

so many things happened today, i really dont know where to start.

school was fine in general i guess, except for that little thing that was bugging me :/ and after samrina explained for the umpteenth time, i finally understood what that meant but i DONT BELIEVE it please. lessons haven't been interesting, i was looking forward to CHEM but i didn't understand most of what mrs chan was saying when she was explaining the 4markquestionsthingy. ugh, lessons make me feel real dumb. looking on the upside of things, at least i didn't sleep during ANY lessons. im so proud of myself :DDD

after school, everything went absolutely crazy & out of hand. i walked to the canteen, alone&pretty much worked up. and before i knew it, i was rushing/running to melody's class to find her, only to realise that she'd left already. CHEER UP MELODY(: I LOVE YOU <3 silly girl, now she's got no voice :(

i skipped lunch and felt hungry after that, stupid. i swear, i HATE organic chem. since last night, im only at question23 of the tys ( MCQ ) &&& i've been doing the questions WITH my notes! like seriously, ohmyfriggingoodnessimsofriggingdeadiswear.

so mike got shithell from dad during dinner &cried really badly, till i started to cry too. then mom started talking to me about prelims/Os and how she doesn't expect me to do well at all for prelims but will i just put in some effort to study all the same? she said a lot more, & i realised maybe she does notice things that i thought she doesnt'. and thanks to her, i was crying so badly for the next hour while she continued to talk to me. she keeps saying that she KNOWS i wont do well & that she doesn't have any expectations for me.
& y'know, i've failed more than enough in sec 3and4 to know that sometimes i can study really hard but i just dont get the results. and at this point, it's getting way more than just DEMORALISING. im getting pretty sick&tired of studying, (who isn't?). everytime i mug/study/right notes/etc, the thought of WHAT IF i fail always seeps into my head and never fails to distract me. it really doesn't help when the only person who may have some faith in me is my tuition teacher?!

mom thinks it's crazy, i get stressed out from my SELF-inflicted pressure and it's not as though i set high expectations for myself.

last year, i didn't do well but i know i wasn't the only one around. then when this year began, and i realised that everyone else seemed to be moving up but i got a veryveryveryhorrible L1r5 score, it began to occur to me that maybe it wasn't about the school's standards being high ; maybe it was just ME.

i hate it when i lose control, & i know it.
and i hate those times when things just keep going wrong.

stupid, i really dont like you.
>:(

2006-08-22T23:23:00.000+08:00

thank you so much syu <3
i can't wait for recess tmr, cos i know she's gonna make me feel muchmuch better, like she always does.
you're the best person i know to spill things to, and you're always there. (:

postcard,
to my heart(:

2006-08-19T18:08:00.000+08:00

omfg, that must have been the worst run i've had in so long. i knew cramps would give me trouble, but i never expected myself to vomit TWICE at ecp. all the same, im glad i went because it's the last xc.

i didn't think we'd win the Zany Parade, but i really thought the characters were cute! :DD viv kept dropping her stuff when she was getting ready AND she couldn't bend down to pick it up cos she'd tear her blue paper under/outer wear. HAHA. i stood beside bear at the teacher's tents and watched the performances, &the teachers were talking about our costumes! they kept saying that the one who wore the red one looked HOT cos it was REAL and not made, like say, viv's.
HAHAHA.

i think the planning for today's whole event was HORRIBLE. first there was the xc screw up, where people who came in one after another had positions that differed by 20 positions. then they made us get ready so frigging early for Zany (!!) and everyone started getting hyper&kept practising until they got bored.

at least i gotta take pictures with MELODY & SYU! <33 too bad we couldn't find amanda :( after my run, i decided to just walk along the path and cheer the rest on. so i watched out for the jnrs, and saw melody running! ohmy, there was such a great gap b/w the first, 2nd, 3rd&4th runners! anyway, WELL DONE MELODY! :DDD

it seems like every school event is an occasion for teachers to bring their babies and show off. we had a parade of babies today, all so cute&cudly. when mrs ang carried her daughter and walked to her class during the morning assembly, the WHOLE SCH went "oooooooooh, so cuuuuuuuuute!!". HAHA.

lunch with steffi, mc, charlotte, her snr&jeremy at BK was rather embarrassing&hilarious. they made me ask this bunch of sji guys whether they could spare us some coupons, and they made SO MUCH NOISE please. &i think i recognise some of them from my brother's orientation, such a small world.

headed home after that, and threw up somemore. pffft, nowonder i felt weird ytday&had a slight fever. it's gastric flu, i really shouldn't have run. ughhh :/

it's so frustrating when i get so happy and some stupid error has to burst my bubble of excitement.

2006-08-15T20:56:00.000+08:00

i've been sleeping before midnight so far this week, and yet i keep feeling so tired (not sleepy) all the time :(

im starting to like organic chem now! :D thanks to viv&diyana who've been helping me along, since im really quite bad at it. turns out amath remedial's actually tmr although i brought my file&tys today, and we ended up not using the geog tys so i brought a whole lot of useless things to school today. :>(

i doubt she'll see this, but GET WELL SOON JOY! (: <3

&after all those times you asked me,
do you really think i could tell you that you were the one all along?
<3

2006-08-11T21:23:00.000+08:00

maybe i shouldn't have read her blog, it's made me all so worked up now. pardon me, om terribly sorry that congratulatory words weren't rolling off my tongue at that time because i was so shocked by what you told me. i'd be all fine&happy for you if things had gone like how they normally would, but your case was some sort of unfair exception.

that night you called me up, crying&worried, i was there for you. i was worried too you know. then everything turned out fine, &i was so relieved for you. i was glad that nothing would go wrong just because of the injuries you sustained while playing football. i was happy that you would still be able to get your fair chance in fighting for what you wanted.

im sorry, but what you told me took me by total surprise. where's the equality in that when others what a place there too? then i get told off by your grandmother the very next day for "luan shuo hua" to you over the phone that night? oh hello, i distinctly remembered that you kept asking me whether i was alright&whether i was crying. &i know i said "yes" when you asked me whether i was alright twice.

i was more stunned than jealous, trust me. &i wouldn't care half as much if i didn't want to go there quite badly either alright. everytime we spoke about JCs that we wanted to go, you'd brush off the fact that we've scored a difference of 10points for mids as though it was nothing. more than once you said that you thought you did badly for mids too cos you didn't study too well AND yet you scored 10points better than me although i can safely say i did put in effort in certain subjects which i ended up doing badly for as well. maybe you've forgotten that you've got 2 subjects more than me, now that i've dropped bio? &your chinese is way better than mine as today's results have proved?

& as your grandmother was telling me off, you happily walked in and out of the room as though nothing was happening. do you have any idea what it feels like to go over to your friends house and get told off by her grandmother in a language she's not fluent in communicating and being told off about something she didn't do?

yes, your grandmother was pretty upset that i was jealous, didn't congratulate you, spoke some nonsense to you it seems& the fact that you cried.

i admit, i AM jealous. things have not been going very well for me at all, although you seem to brush it aside by the fact that it seems as though im not putting in effort. i know i didn't congratulate you, &that was because (you knew that) i was really shocked by the fact there weren't any trials!

well maybe it never occurred to you that you weren't the only one who shed tears? and mind you, i cried because i felt that really nothing was going my way & not because you got what you wanted. maybe you missed the fact that i was on the verge of crying while i was being told off by your grandmother in chinese & that i actually cried on the bus on the way to marina.

maybe you dont know this, but i think it's high time you do if you dont by now. i dont get jealous because others can do things better than i can/they have skills&talents that i dont posses/they are smarter than me ETC. i've been failing more than enough since sec 3 to know where i stand in class/level & that there are a lot of people who are way smarter than i am and that i cant do anything about that.

it's just my luck that i got into basketball in tkgs, a sport cca that's not been doing well for many years&that the school doesnt really care about anymore. so, tell me im unlucky that i dont have any particular strength in that sport and it just so happens that we won almost no medals so it's really not wise to even TRY to apply for dsa through basketball. & know what, im not complaining. i've always planned to try and enter any school by my l1r5 alone anyway.

THANKYOU to;
edna, fawn, chanel, cui xia, evelyn&alyssa for cheering me up! <3

2006-08-10T13:04:00.000+08:00

the past few days have been pretty shit for me and all, but i've managed to put things aside i guess. i never really understood what the heck actually happened, i got angry/sad&cried. at least i learnt that these things happen in life, and i've gotta just put things aside. i've got more important things to focus on, and that's what i plan to do.

anyway, national day celebrations were pretty okay i guess :D the performances weren't great, and i dont think they've ever been. im actually quite glad that i didn't pon even though i was really close to doing so. we gotta take many pictures with friends&the class, so it was great! :D assembly was funny, sitting next to sam who so much trouble SITTING down! HAHA, and the people behind sure were noisy as hell lah! all that singing, ohmy :D i went out for lunch after that, and to sum it up; everything just went even furthur downhill from there.

yesterday was REALLY productive! :D i managed to do one chp of chem tys, start understnading organice chem, studied one chp of ss & i still had time to watch SI! :DDD only yesterday then did i realise that Joakim's really cute aye! :DDD haha, i never believed charlene when she told me he was cute last week, now i totally do man! i think he looks REALLY WEIRD when he speaks, but on stage he's like CUTE man! i still dont think he can sing though, haha. at least Jasmine did better this week& Paul was ok i guess. (: i dont think he can sing either, but his performance was quite entertaining i guess! according to my brother, i was smiling like at IDIOT when Hady&Paul sang their songs! HAHA, i loved the songs that they performed! <3

i feel so .. sluggish today. i've only done half a chp of ss so far :( and i wanna TRY and run&play badminton with mike later. ohboy, and i've still got a ton of work to do:( i notice i tend to eat A LOT when im at home studying, and that's really really bad cos i hardly excersice which means i'll just get wider and wider! :/

gah, and i still dont feel like running xc this year but i've got this nagging feeling that in the end i WILL run it.

latenightconversations
are love<3

2006-08-07T21:41:00.000+08:00

i feel like such a horrible loser :( i got upset over something which i shouldn't have, totally. i just can't stand how life's SO unfair sometimes, and there's nothing i can do about it. i hate it when things that weren't in my control in the first place, get out of control.

i dont think i can look her in the eye tmr, although i did know wrong on my part.
it was such an awkward phone call; all i wanted to know was how it went.
if i had known what was in store,
i wouldn't have wanted to know.

it's all fine&dandy for you i know,
im happy for you.

i know you say you're gonna work hard and all still,
i know you will.
but dont you see the difference AT ALL?

&i hate it everytime i break down.

this year's just getting worst by the day.
prelims are getting nearer,
&im just getting more scared.

& to MELODY <3 ; think it through, then make your decision yeah? dont do anything rash that you may regret. <3

football's been fun these past few .. weeks? it just takes my mind off EVERYTHING. screaming, kicking, laughing, falling & getting hit by the ball is greeaat fun. &the company's good too! a huge bunch of wacky people, onyl few of whom can actually play the sport! :D

dad said it's no use crying over something which i can't control.
that is precisely the reason why i cried.

i like blasting music on the computer.
it seems to numb everything.

superwoman <3

2006-08-05T21:59:00.000+08:00

i feel so brown and burnt today, thanks to ytday :(( &im so damn tired cos i got up at 7am to study since i had to leave for steffi's at about 9plus, followed by chem tuition, got home to put down my stuff and change, then walked to the church to meet parents, and finally walked cabbed to dinner! it's been a LONG day man :/

ANDDDD i've got tuition tmr morning, so that means i've gotta get up early at like 7plus again. it's no wonder i always feel so tired during weekends too.

i feel so bad for hardly touching my books today. i only studied a bit of ss this morning before i left the house! UGH, prelims are scaring the shit out of me.

anyway, thanks to steffi&her mom, i've found what im gonna wear for national day celebrations! :D i just hope i dont get caught or scolded for anything, cos it's NOT THAT ethnic. but i dont care, cos im not gonna wear uniform and get scolded by Naad. besides, we're going to bugis later on so im gonna stick with what im wearing :D

i walked around parkway alone while waiting for shaofang, after leaving steffi's. &i kept almost bumping into people cos my mind kept wandering off to other matters. so quite a few people i recognised there too.

i dont know about everyone out there, but im so shit scared for prelims. our first 3 papers are in about THREE weeks time, omfg. i really need to mug everyday consistently. to think that in just 21 days time, the papers that i'll be doing will determine whether or not i'll be able to make it to jc for the 1st 3 months or whether i'll have to go and find a job :( ive learnt how to focus&concentrate, now i just need to .. concentrate LONGER.

p.s hello melody, please take care. i love you! <3

you seem to control all my thoughts now, & take over almost everything i have.
and im not stupid, i can take a hint (if it is one in the first place);
when the 2nd message's "goodnight" and you stop replying all together.
everything was based on assumptions, dangerous.
but since when was love ever all safe&nice,
&since when was this even love at all?

2006-08-04T21:18:00.000+08:00

IM SO SO HAPPY TODAY :DDDD

ALL BECAUSE TODAY IS THE LAST DAY OF SUPERVISED STUDIES! WOOHOO! :DD

i really liked today cos lessons were so so slack AND we finished at 1pm! :D so i played my usual recess football, AND we played again from like 1pm-2.30pm! i couldn't concentrate at all during supervised sutdies today man :/ i was trying to make my ss notes when i see dee figuring out a amath problem for shameen and i want to help too. IF ONLY I'D HAVE KNOWN THE SUM WAS SO BLOODY DIFFICULT! i got so pissed & annoyed cos the log question looked so damned simple but i did it 5 times and got 5 DIFFERENT answers :((( so in the end dee and i went to look for mrs loy at the staff room and she brilliantly solved it! :D

we saw nah and renee downstairs at the piano so we ran to say hi to them, and guess who was on the first level! MRS LOE! &she was the one who took attendance at supervised in the first place! it was so silly, we started running away from her and all and dee wanted to go to the hall to see the performance rehearsels for national day celebrations! OHMY, that girl can't really sing please! she went out of tune quite a few times & she can't hit the high notes! :/ but she's got the guts to sing solo, which i dont, so i take my hat off to her for that!

then by the time we got back to the AVT, dee&vera were laughing as usual and i ended up not doing anything productive for the remaining time :(( DEE SO CUT LAH PLEASE. she came up with hand signs to accompany the song "HOME". hahaha, it was really funny i tell you!

i played netball at the basketball court after supervised for like an hour before heading home. i swear, my sense of direction is so damn bad. and so is charlene's so that didn't help one teeny bit! i thought aljunied was nearer than paya lebar! i guess i was thinking of Eunos instead! :(( and she gave me a choice of whether i wanna walk a little bit longer or take overheadbridge, so of i didn't want to take the overheadbridge cos i was so tired! but guess what? i ended up walking SO MUCH MORE can! >:( so stupid of me.

im sunburnt! & i thought it wasn't THAT hot today :((( i have such a lousy skin, or maybe it's cos im just too lazy to put sunblock even though i know my skin's so sensitive.

you make me happy <3
&that's more than enough.

2006-08-03T22:26:00.000+08:00

im so damn glad that tmr's friday, which means that the weekend's near! ever since the start of this term, i've been hating school really badly. i've found the lessons pretty slack even though it's less than a month to prelims, maybe cos there aren't anymore CAs around. nowadays, it's pretty much a case of just listening in class and taking stuff down, or doing silly group work which i find is just such a waste of time.

tmr's gonna be the LAST day of supervised studies :DDDDD i feel like jumping for joy, just at the thought of it! i dont mind staying back to study in an AIRCON environment, except for the fact that i reach home at 6plus everyday and at 8plus when i've got tuition. & by the time im home and i've eaten/bathed, im just so damn tired but i still force myself to study something. it's just a vicious cycle; the next day i'll be all sleepy & i'll keeping popping kopiko sweets into my mouth to keep me awake although i doubt there's much caffeine in it.

i dont know whats wrong with me :( i keep studying so hard and i keep failing. i dont recall studying much for that chem practical cos there isnt much to study for in the first place, but i didn't expect to do so horribly either! :( i just get more and more worried everytime we get some CA paper returned and i find that i've failed when i actually studied. i notice i keep making careless mistakes and that's how my marks are all flying away, but i can't always blame everything on carelessness can i?

if im not wrong, mr ang said he'd return our emath papers by this week. and since TMR is the end of the week, i suppose tis' quite safe to presume we may be getting our papers back tmr. gah, i've got such a bad feeling about it :(((

and what's this i heard from mel loy?! apparently mrs kong says that all those who got top10 in class for 2.4km run has to participate in cross country! i REALLY hope that isn't true, cos i was intending on not running this year for once! :( then again, maybe it'd be fun to just run this race for the last time. im so damned unfit now it's gonna be so embarrassing running!

:D mdm lee let me off running 2.4km today! HAHA, i was happy. i just told her that i've still got a blueblack after getting hit and she just took a look at my timing and let me off. (((:

first impressions count for me, and i dont know if that's a good or bad thing. my brother is such a funny silly thing please (: haha, <3.

you know the more i try & avoid you, the more i just bump into you like crazy. i've got such a trouble memorising stuff for school, but i remember every little thing you said/did/laughed about without even trying. i dont even know why i like you, now how stupid is that?
your company's like no other, every little thing you do makes me smile&laugh you know? and unknowingly, you've made my day so many times(:
MOONDANCE(:
my left hand <3

2006-08-02T20:44:00.000+08:00

:D new skin again! i got sick of the other one, and i didn't like the PINK links which i didn't know how to change.

ANYWAY, supervised studies was :DDDDD today! all thanks to dear PAUL TWOHILL from 4e9, haha! (: vera, renee, shamee, shaofang&i and a few more DARED her a total of $$10 to go up to mr k.ang and do this :
" mr ang, (flips hair like paul)
may i (flips hair like paul)
go to the toilet? (flips hair like paul)

(!!!)

HAHAHA. after one first start, she finally managed to go up! BUTTTTT she only flipped her hair ONCE after she asked for permission to go to the toilet! then after that we all clapped for her and she was $$10 richer on the spot. :DD but she totally deserved it lah, so cute man dee! YOU ROCK! ((:

OMG OMG OMG OMG, JONATHON'S DAMN HOT PLEASE! even my mom likes him, hahaha :DDD she hates paul, she keeps asking me HOW CAN HE SEE LIKE THAT?! hahaha!

and amath test was shit lah. i dont recall ms lui teaching us to draw asymptotes for exponential curves! SHIT CAN. i can say bye bye to PASSING lah. && mr ang said that we did kinda badly for our vector questions! ohmy, it doesn't sound like i'll get an A :((((

edna just gave the words " SHUT UP " a totally meanings today! HAHA :D silly girl.

you could hear my heart beating <3

2006-07-31T18:56:00.000+08:00

GREAT weather today :DD i fell asleep so many time during amath lesson till ms lui actually asked me what was wrong cos after every question, my head would just hit the table. im swear im super dead for the amath test on wed. i REALLy cant seem to be able to integrate ln & trig. i keep confusing it with differentiation. AND put integration, differentiation&the previous applications like rate of change ETC, i just can't seem to handle it. :((((

anyway, NAPFA's over! :DD or at least the 5items part. i dont plan to run properly for the run on thursday and just use my trial run timing. im started to ache already, it just shows how unfit i am! :/ but im SO SO happy that i actually managed to get a Bgrade for standingbroadjump! :DD i've always gotten like a C since primary school! YAY :DD

im so frustrated :( i've searched like for halfanhour already and i just can't seem to find it. obviously, there isn't one but it's so hard to believe. i hate it when i get obsessed like that, i drive myself crazy.

&heartbeat race <3

2006-07-29T10:18:00.000+08:00

i can't imagine a world without love.

i dont know why's your just so damn hard to get over.

2006-07-28T18:48:00.000+08:00

last night was absolute shit. i never thought a simple disagreement could escalate to that scale. yes, i lost my cool and raised my voice. so, i lost control. of late, i thought my brother and i got closer. we both have grown up a bit more, he's turning 13 this year. but yesterday made me remember why i ~~hate~~ him so much sometimes. and then dad had to step in, and make me feel like a complete fool. i hate it when dad resorts to those same lines to shut us both up. somehow i felt so hurt after what he said, that i didn't act my age and he totally didnt respect me. i know he didn't mean it, still it hurt.

i hate it when i lose control and things spin out of control. i apologised, and he said there wasn't any point in it. and of cos, my brother didn't help one bit. all he knew was to fucking cry so bad. i said it was my fault and that i was sorry like THREE times man.

i couldn't stop crying once i started. i really felt bad, that's why i apologised. it wasn't just to please my dad and let my brother know that he won.

then melody called me, and we talked like for-ever. i felt so bad for her calling at the wrong time. i felt bad for spilling everything out at her, cos i think she went to bitch to me about something else instead.

recess has been GREEEAAAAATTT :DD football almost every single day! and thanks to all that running up and down the field, i dont have time nor do i feel hungry enough to go eat recess (: haha, perfect diet plan. except for the fact that the ball hit my nose bridge and i got elbowed in my right CHEST by cheryl pang today, football makes me happy :D

i feel so bad when people tell me they got into blahblah jc, or that they're applying to blahblah jc. i glad for them and all that, but i feel like absolute shit inside.
goodluck to steffi for applying to sajc, and congrats to nick for getting into tjc (:

and why are so many things going on that i never knew about? dont other people have better things to do than this? wrong speculations make the worst rumours, cos they're far from right. and people just lap up what they hear and throw in their own version of things, then things get so outta hand. and that's absolutely so ridiculous.

by the way, in EXACTLY one month's time, it's the SS Prelims on the 28th of Aug.

lit lesson are FUN :D <3 haha! moving eyes, moving ears, READING OUT LOUD, laughing, more laughing, trying to stop laughing, playing with mel's OREO, funny faces, imitations and more laughing.

im so tired that i actually slept during supervised studies :/ i only studied for about 45mins in total i think. thankfully people woke my up when mrs chia came in, i dread to think what would've happened if she'd caught me.

i have a new obsession :D and this time, it's gonna be my secret (:

we could be more than amazing <3

2006-07-26T18:46:00.000+08:00

school's been alright so far this week, no particularly bad lessons or CAs. emath CA today was al-righht i guess :/ it wasn't exactly HARD, but it wasnt a piece of cake either. all the same, i've got this funny feeling i made some careless mistakes, GAHH. at least i managed to complete the paper AND i answered all my questions so theres no questioning that i tried my best. phototaking today! haha, and i stood beside FAWN for both formal and informal :D i dread to see how the informal's gonna turn out! she whipped out her phone and i was facing her, while we both smiled for the camera. shirts unbuttoned & collars flipped up, HAHA. ANYWAY, mom found some old pictures of mike and i. i swear, i was FATTTTT last time!

(: i loved that white hairband y'know.

:D

at cousins' house, i looked like a PIG :(

fat arms and terribly CHUBBY! and look at my HAIR, it STANDS. mom said my hair was like that for quite a while. oh HAHA :D

round faced & wide eyed (: grace, claire& i all looked EXACTLY like that around the same age! i miss my cousins <3

i shall upload another photo of my BROTHER dearest another time, if i do remember. he looked cute as hell in that one. unfortunately, it seems like he doesn't age well! HAHA.

in the light of the sun, is there anyone?
oh it has begun.
oh dear you look so lost, eyes are red and tears are shed,
this world you must've crossed

you said:

you don't know me, and you don't even care. (o yea)
well you said: you don't know me, and you don't wear my chains. (o yea)

essential and appealed, carry all your thoughts
across an open field,
when flowers gaze at you, they're not the only ones
who cries when they see you

you said:

you don't know me, and you don't even care. (o yea)
well you said: you don't know me, and you don't wear my chains. (o yea)

she said I think I'll go to Boston.
I think I'll start a new life.
I think I'll start it over, where no one knows my name.
I'll get out of California, I'm tired of the weather.
I think I'll get a lover and fly him out to Spain.
o yea!
well I think I'll go to Boston.
I think that I'm just tired.
I think I need a new town, to leave this all behind.
I think I need a sunrise, I'm tired of the sunset.
I hear it's nice in the Summer, some snow would be nice. (o yea)

~~you don't know me, and you don't even care.~~

2006-07-23T15:32:00.000+08:00

i absolutely H-A-T-E it when i trust people, and then they go and do stupid things that i tell them not to. i know it's not a big deal to them, but it is to ME alright? shit man, just what part of "dont ask anyone about her" samuel oh tian hui just didn't get. wtf.

i swear, there are really SCARY/WEIRD people around tampines. after tuition i went to TM to walk around a bit before heading home. when i alighted from bus31, this UGLYSHITHEAD cheena guy asked me for my number. and when i said "No", he went " NO?! no? oh, ah no ah? eh no?" like which part of N-O did he not understand?! he followed me and kept pestering me ALL THE WAY TO CENTURY SQUARE. omfg, i was so annoyed. so in the end, i gave him a number ; to my DAD's phone! :DD HAHAHA, goodluck to him.

i told my mom to make sure that I didn't fall asleep while studying today, and GUESS WHAT?! she went to take a nap leaving my dearest BROTHER in charge of keeping me awake. what she's so unaware of is that he uses very unorthodox methods of keeping me awake. Eg. pinching my nose so that i can't breathe and i'll just HAVE to wake up.

i dreamnt of Friday all over again.
/&i'll put us on instant reply

2006-07-22T20:55:00.000+08:00

gorgeous, i love my new skin. :DD

OMFG, guess who is in the same church as GIRLFRIEND?
shits man, i sure got one helluva heart attack after i called him.
OH BOY, ohmyohmy. i dont believe this.

ANDDDDDDDDDDDDD, i went to check the SAJC website. to enter for science stream, i would need a friggin 9points. oh fuck lah, i can just DREAM of going there now. shits. damn good lah now, where the bloody CAN i actually go to?!

i need to motivate myself. i want to go to certain schools but it's not enough to motivate me. mommy told me to forget about prelims and just focus on the big Os since i get so demoralised from all the school CAs. im prolly the only person i know of who studies and fails. BRILLIANT.

and shit. i think i need to do CIP like ASAP. i thought there was an announcement about the sch giving back some printout about our CIP hours, but turns out it's about our CCAs. i saw a large bunch of people doing flagday today and they look like sec 4s to me, so maybe there's some hope. after all, i dont think the sch would just let the sec 4s off for not doing any CIP this year at all. it's so not-like TKGS to just let off people for this kind of thing.

and ain't this getting a little outta hand?
with every passing song, dammit you were on my mind.
and like some amazing wish that came through,
i got more than i'd hoped for.
&i'll just keep wishing.

2006-07-21T21:07:00.000+08:00

im not gonna even bother to mention how she made our carnival day so shit. all my respect for her, or what's left rather, has just gone down the drain. was it all really necessary? or was all that just for the sake of making things difficult for us? fuckshit.

call it coincidental, but i dont care. today was way more than i asked for, all the same :DD

&those heartbeat races

2006-07-15T21:20:00.000+08:00

i had a dream last night.
the more i try to recall, the less i remember.
i do know who it involved though :D

finally i changed my tuition, no more saturday 6hour marathons anymore.
thankgoodness.

why do people just assume that's what im thinking when they dont know anything?

terribly unproductive day -
math tuition followed by chem,
tiring.
and i was so preoccupied, i couldn't focus.
my mind kept wondering, and things kept sliding out of focus.
so, in other words,
i kinda .. wasted my time.

i need to buckup,
6more weeks to prelims.
ohshitfuck.
this is when all those scary dreams of failing everything start to haunt me.
i need to study.

i have this list of teachers i absolutely do not like at this moment.
there're 2 teachers currently on the list.
:D

i want to find all my kindergarten friends back.
those were the truly innocent days.
life was really good then.

im so scared, just a slip of the tongue and it came out.
im not afraid of who will tell, more like who would overhear.
i was angry, now im just shit scared.

i hate the Dmonster, what a bitch please.
look what she did lah, TSKTSK. i want to slap her upside down.

it's getting harder to turn to and confide in people.
everyone's having their own problems and shitty moments.

i miss steffi.

and for you i will (:

2006-07-12T20:09:00.000+08:00

alarm clock rang,
2 new msges from last night,
nice cool breeze,
rushed out,
nice train ride,
nice bus ride.

rain&wind,
wet trains and swaying trees,
cold marble bench,
waited.

more wind&rain,
didn't get too wet,
im not gonna say who i saw.

crowded bus stop,
rain&wind,
im not gonna say who i saw.

bus so crowded,
it was such a long journey.

nice nice umbrellas,
lining the corridors,
bright&pastel colours,
pretty pretty pretty (:

lazy weather&lessons,
boring lessons,
nice shut-eye,
sleepy morning.

you shouldn't break my heart.

plenty of patience and laughter,
ms joy yong and us,
her wonderful students :DD
viv, mel& i(:

double stars,
PRETTY BUTTERFLIES,
&rockets.

almost went to lalaland,
all thanks to jigglypuff,
ugh.

six more weeks,
to prelims.
time to start panicking?
good luck <3

COFFEE SWEETS :D
my saviour.

tired mind,
lazy legs,
bus 10.

talked a lot with charlotte,
thought kept running through my head,
endlessly.

you shouldn't break my heart.

you really
shouldn't break my heart <3

2006-07-11T23:01:00.000+08:00

i screamed myself hoarse today while supporting the jnrs. they beat tampines sec 13-10! :DDDD YAYYY. i swear, the last minute was TORTURE. there wereso many close calls! i SCREAMED everytime a Tampines Sec girl got the ball, haha. and everytime we scored, ohmy, the cheers would go on FOREVER. i suspect we cheered more than the team itself. haha, but nvm. THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON:D maybe im so so friggin happy for them cos as a school, we hardly beat other schools. so when we do, it's like YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

there were this group of really gayshit people fooling around running in circles behind us like madthings. i got so pissed with them cos they were lying on the jnrs bags! WTF.
and those guys above us were so A N N O Y I NG.

but it's ok. cos jnrs WON :D

i think my tagboard's becoming quite er , hilarious. so much nonsense on it now, haha!

chem practical today was so shit. GAH, and mrschan said this is Olevel standard. oh SHITS. it's so hard to figure out what the elements are, confusing. pfft!

DO YOU BELIEVE IN LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT?
i keep dreaming of you.

2006-06-30T19:20:00.000+08:00

fever, sorethroat&headache :(

turns out, i wasn't the correct Rachel Ong that mrs chia wanted to see. gah, why must people make such mistakes. apart from our similar names, we're in 2 different classes and yet they can get us confused! >:( sheesh. but all the same, i ended up having to sit down and talk, yadayada.

one thing i dont like;
please dont tell me to go see a counsellor.

dinner time, i dont feel like eating :(

i want to as thin as a skeleton, but with muscles.

i hated today very much.

2006-06-29T22:41:00.000+08:00

Do the following WITHOUT complaints.2. Choose 5 persons to do this after you complete yours.3. Leave a tag on the person's tagboard to say he/she have been tagged. lazy lah4. Start your post with "I have been tagged!" then do this.

I HAVE BEEN TAGGED BY SILLYTOOT CHARLOTTEH!

Favourites:
Favourite Colour: blue&orange
Favourite Food: CHOCOLATE PILLOWS <33
Favourite Song: Love at First Sight - Blue
Favourite Movie: LOVE ACTUALLY! :D
Favourite Sport: uhm, running? : /
Favourite Day of the Week: Friday
Favourite Season: rainy&wet, perfect.
Favourite Ice Cream: NO THANKYOU. it's all FATFATFAT and MORE FAT!

Currents
Current Mood: tired, upset.
Current Taste: boys are bitter&girls are sweet!
Current Clothes: blue tshirt and KCP PE shorts
Current Desktop: 48 identical thumbnail pictures of JOE COLE
Current Toenail Colour: a little shiny due to varnish :)
Current Time: 10.48pm
Current Surroundings: music from the computer!
Current Annoyances: being fat, my weight(!!) & horrible results
Current Thoughts: should i still study tonight or not?

Firsts
First Best Friends:Kindergarten - i had many! nicole chia, nicole lim, cheerie, mark & george! :DDD
Primary school - michelle, vanessa <3
Secondary school - STEFFI :)
Outside school - music class!
First Crush: HOHO, kindergarten friend!
First Movie: Lion King. according to my dad, i told i wanted to leave 10mins into the movie! oh man, HAHA.
First Lie: Mommy, i finished my homework already.
First Music: Piano pieces!

Lasts
Last Cigarette: Never will and Never have.
Last Drink: water!
Last Car Ride: TAXI! after tuition on tuesday.
Last Crush: ugh, i dont know?
Last Movie: erm.
Last Phone Call: NARIAH! about the LEGACY project, ah what the fuck please.
Last CD played: all my songs are in the computer
Have you ever dated one of your best friend: yeah totally
Have you ever broken the law: I JUST ATE CHOCOLATE PILLOWS WITH CHARLOTTE CHIN IN THE TRAIN TODAY
Have you ever been arrested: O:) nah lah
Have you ever skinny-dipped: no no no, im fat fat fat
Have you ever been on TV: yep
5 things you are wearing: underwear, pe shirt, shorts, pinafore, HAIR CLIPS
4 things you done today: fell asleep during GEOG, paid attention during CHEM, studied, taught charlotte math!
3 things you can hear right now: the funny sounds from the fan, cars along the road, the song playing on my computer
1 thing you do when you are bored: DAYDREAM :DD <3

2006-06-25T13:34:00.000+08:00

:(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

i can't belive it.
it's time to go back to school tmr.

can you believe that by the time it's the spet hols, Eng & SS prelims would've been OVER.

i hate it when time passes THISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS fast.

im talking to Cheryl-Jean online, the one i told steffi about. the girl who likes injections, lessons, teachers, ballet, musicals, exams, tests, refuses to admit she's HAD a crush before as though it's taboo, who'd give people the impression she wants to become a nun.

i spent idontknowhowlong talking to charlotte online last night! :DD we had fun trying to practice our er .. chinese oral in ENGLISH. ohmy, i can kiss my A1 goodbye already :((((((((((((((

im in such a sluggish mood, even my grandmother said so.

ANYWAY on a much lighter note ;
GOOD LUCK to all C Div players :D first game's tmr at 1400h. ahhhh :( so early! shits.

finally, LUNCH :DD

2006-06-24T11:46:00.000+08:00

im on the phone with steffi! <3

i dont want to go back to school.
i dont want to wake up at 5plus anymore.
i dont like tkgs anyway.
i eat a lot when i go to school, then i'll get fat and depressed.
i dont want to sit for Os.
i dont want to study.
i dont want to do homework.

GAHHHHHHHHHH.

love at first sight?

2006-06-23T18:56:00.000+08:00

i dont want to go back to school.

i had a very weird dream last night which involved calender dates flying about my room.

i feel like some fat, messed up piece of shit.

aisyah msged me the match dates/times, thank you.

this turmoil's your fault.

2006-06-19T13:47:00.000+08:00

i played football again with bro & dad ytday! :D im left-handed but im right-footed, how funny is that? i cannot possibly kick with my left foot at all. i mean, sure i can make the ball move with my left, but i feel like falling down after that. UGH, very unglam.

anyway, the ball hit my head and cheek, but the worst hit was getting hit right smack on the er.. CHEST. it sure hurt like hell, and i felt so .. flat and compressed after that. ah haha.

last night, Japan played Croatia. Croatia had more possesion then the Japanese, almost definitely. BUTTT, they couldn't seem to find the back of the net. the game opened up a bit better half way through the first half, but Croatia had no finishing. All the same, i supported Japan! at 72mins, i suspected it was gonna be a game of no goals so i went to bed. AND true enough, a 0-0 draw. Here are the visuals :D

Croatia's striker Dado Prso gets the ball from Japan's Yuji Nakazawa early on in the game.

Croatia's Prso gets fouled by Japan's Tsuneyasu Miyamoto and is awarded a penalty kick.

Weak penalty i felt, from Darijo Srna's . Brilliant save from Yoshikatsu Kawaguchi!

Dont they just look like CLOWNS to you? Croatia vs Referee, ref wins of course :D
ah, HIM. Atsushi Yanagisawa missed an OPEN goal, what a waste. :(((

Good luck to Japan. if im not mistaken, they have to be BRAZIL to advance into the next rounds? AHH, they sure need the luck.

i swear, i feel so fat that i know i'll just FAIL NAPFA. ho boy, i can't wait for 2.4km run. ugh.

anyway, Match Point is a very lousy long show with a rather weak and very constipated plot. i thought it was some love comedy, a LIGHT show. shit man, who'd have thought the Jonathan Myers ends up MURDERING 2 people. He had an affair with Scarlett Johansson while he was married to Emily Mortimer. He got Johansson pregnant while he's wife has been trying DESPERATELY to have a child with him. ugh, lousy plot.

on a more serious note, i hate Metals. i can study the whole shithead topic, but when it comes to the TYS i can like 59% of the MCQ right! something's wrong, i just dont know what. and i really DESPISE Electrolysis.

did i mention that steffi & i together with her mom & sis bumped into mrs chan at pp? mrs chan was with her husband and younger daughter. steffi & i were like, GAHHH was that mrs chan?

hot chocolate is the love :)

2006-06-16T22:11:00.000+08:00

today has been a rather productive day despite going to parkway with the family. i found a nice top at Esprit, but mom said it looked too "messy", whatever that means. i bought 2 pairs of earrings though! :DD

i wrote steffi a letter and drew 2 pictures in it. HAHAHAAH. it's such an embarrassment, really. but nevermind, steffi shall not mock me for im risking my life for her tmr. HAH. i hope it'll be fun. :)

the England game last night/morning almost turned out to be a disaster. it looked like it'd be a nil-nil draw until about the last 10mins when rooney and lennon were brought out onto the pitch. AH. Aaron Lennon is SUPER FAST. i think Rooney did quite well, considering. at least he didn't injure himself again. Joe Cole was substituted for Downing. ROAR. by the way, i think Joe Cole looks like that actor in KingKong. HAHA. throughout the whole game, i kept commenting how nice Frank Lampard's hair looked, and i kept screaming KINGKOONNNNNNNNGGGG, until mom woke up! :/

anddd, im playing 3 Foot Ninja at miniclip.com now! i can't even get pass the first round. ah roar.

im playing Bush Royal Rampage now.

goodnight, im off to save the whitehouse.

every second

2006-06-15T21:44:00.000+08:00

i am bored.

You scored as Journalism. You are an aspiring journalist, and you should major in journalism! Like me, you are passionate about writing and expressing yourself, and you want the world to understand your beliefs through writing.

Journalism

75%

English

58%

Theater

58%

Psychology

58%

Mathematics

50%

Dance

42%

Philosophy

42%

Chemistry

42%

Linguistics

42%

Engineering

33%

Anthropology

33%

Biology

33%

Art

33%

Sociology

25%

What is your Perfect Major? (PLEASE RATE ME!!<3)
created with QuizFarm.com

this is the result of my boredom.
Journalism? it's never been a particular interest, just a thought i guess.

i love steffi, because steffi makes me happy when im sad <3
she says the dumbest things sometimes, but they make me laugh all the same <3
and steffi doesn't need to be worrying although i know she is, because as long as im around nothing can happen <3

ENG vs TRI 12pm

i shall nap now, then wake up later. :D

what we said on the phone made me realise, some feelings just never die. as much as we think they've gone away, those feelings are actually still deep down inside just waiting to be stirred up again.

all for love

2006-06-14T10:11:00.000+08:00

the timetable's out! now that i've dropped bio, i guess i've got a a few free periods in between((: ah, im terribly bored. anyway, go print out the timetable everyone! :D

I WANT TO WATCH MATCH POINT, FOR THE ONE AND ONLY REASON THAT JONATHAN MYERS IS THERE :DDDDD i never started swooning like that, until it came to him. AHHHHH.

it was a good things that blogger had some problem last night which did not allow me to post my entry.

thank you for your msg last night melody, even though i only got it this morning <3

i do not appreciate my parents for telling me that im fat, constantly. they think i eat too little, so even when im not hungry, they'll still push food down me. NOW TELL ME, isn't that over eating which leads to putting on weight? but no. they blame me getting fat on the fact that i am currently too lazy to excersice.

it's too bad i come from a family of sticks. mom's lighter than i am, she's only slightly over 40kg. dearest beloved brother is only 29kg, the real stick of the family despite being in sec 1. and the father is lighter than 60kg despite the height of 1.80m and ageing close to 50years. SO OF COS, me being 15 going 16 this year and at least 2kg heavier than my mom is FAT.

i plan to go on a hunger strike of sorts and try to run everyday. maybe i'd turn into a fucking stick like them too eh?

2006-06-11T20:27:00.000+08:00

THIS FEELS GOOD! to be able to be on the com again feels great(: ANDDDD the weather for the past few days have been GREEAAATTT too! it's all rain rain rain <333!>

i stayed up with dad & bro to watch the Eng vs Paraguay last night! it was BORING. england played REALLY badly, but they beat Paraguay at least. apparently, it was 30degreescelsius out there, so the heat probably got to them and affected them real bad i guess. AH WELL. im gonna stay up for tonight's match. I HOPE HOLLAND WINS. haha :DD

I'VE BEEN STUDYING! (((: i just hope that i can continue studying for the rest of the hols!

I MISS STEFFI. :(((

and it felt great to talk to MELODY on the phone the other day :) it's been AGES since i've talked to her lah.

MELODY! ok lah, i believe you're pyschic! haha, PLAY WELL for C div please! try to win a game ok! im so annoyed that i prolly wont be able to go for the matches cos i'm down for supervised studies. ugghhhhh :((( i want to go and support ! GAH.

iv'e got this BRUISE on my head, because i played football just now and the ball hit my HEAD. i ought to wear HELMETS or smth. ahhh.

imiss:(

2006-06-05T21:39:00.000+08:00

i hate a certain teacher, mrs T. she's such a fucking bitch. stupid fucking bitch. she laughed at my schedule that we were supposed to do to plan out our june hols. tmr, she's gonna get it. cos dad's either gonna come down and talk to her, or mrs chia. serve her right. i hope she knows i really dont like her. so if she's reading this ; i dont like you.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY VIV & BEAR! :DD

tml is 060606! melody just reminded me! :DDD what a nice day, the WHOLE date is our jersey number ((:
and melody! i just realised i STILL owe you your letter! haha. <3

i spent 2 hours playing soccer ytday with bro & dad. i had PLENTY of fun man. hahah((:

charlotte and i were supposed to go running together, but she wanted to sleep in instead! gah, how lazy! anyway, i ran from my house all the way to steffi's old condo and back. i screamed along the way thanks to pigeons which flew right in front of me. UGH, then this ahpek was staring at me lah. horrible. the wholoe run took me about 25mins. i've not run so long for a while, but it felt really good.

i studied today! :D

and there's stupid geog again tmr. ugh guh ugh.

and there's horrible amath too. ughhhhhhhhhhh.

im talking to melody again. she claims she's pyschic! HAHAHA. my psychic piggy! (:
haha, I LOVE YOU MELODY <3

2006-06-01T16:29:00.000+08:00

yesterday was a stupid day spent doing stupid things such as taking very stupid videos.

i dont like bumping into people that i dont want to see.

actually, it's only one person that i dont want to see right now.

i can't wait for the weekend.

i just spent almost two hours of my time surfing friendster and looking at everyone's pictures.
what a bloody waste of my time.

this whole post is very random.

i am supposed to call syu tonight, but i dont feel like it now.

i miss trainings. (!!)
rather, i miss the times when i used to talk to syu & amanda. and since we're all in different classes, that time would be during trngs.

i hope the c div groupings are not what i've heard they are. boy, those are sure tough groupings.
all the same, good luck to them.

while talking to syu today, i just recalled that we'll be having supervised studies after school once school reopens. THEN, how the fuck am i suppose to be able to go support the c div players on the first day of school.

this is a very random post.

i feel like suntanning, but it's just stopped raining and the sun's not really out.

i should be studying, but i dont feel like it.

i dont like studying.

this is stupid.

i wish i didn't like you.

this is very stupid.

so long & goodbye.

2006-05-30T21:56:00.000+08:00

i woke up eaaaarrrrlllllyyyy this morning so that i could make it to school by 830am to study in sch at the canteen with steffi. we had the whole canteen to ourselves, so it was really quiet and condusive. i managed to study almost all that i'd planned to, which is really great :DD

i met amanda as i was going to the toilet! HAHA. poor thing lah she, had to come all the way to school just cos she's didn't hand in her physics file. and i saw the jnrs running their rounds. so amanda just stood at the circular block talking and watching them run for a while. so we walked and talked from the circular block to the classroom block since the cir.block toilet was being washed. then we went to say HI to coach after that! HAHA. we were contemplating whether or not to go say HI to her. so we hung around then and talked to her for a while. apparently, jnrs aren't gonna be able to have any friendlies cos all the tchers are busy to accompany them arrange for them to go to play in other schools! TSKKK. such a lack of dedication from our school teachers. pfft!

IM CHATTING ON MSN AGAIN! haha, it's been super duper duper long since i last longed on. too bad i couldn't talk to melody for long, maybe some other time then((: and im talking to jt! i always seem to be talking to him if im online. maybe it's cos he's ALWAYS online. tsktsk, jt! HAHA.

i hope it's not gonna be fucked up, cos of her. she's put me in a horrible mood now. UGH.

it's no use saying anything now

2006-05-28T13:40:00.000+08:00

im feeling so much better today. ytday was horrible. i woke up at 1am thanks to fever and it lasted all the way till lunch time despite the medication. now, all im stuck with is a hacking cough and a slight cold :D

im scared. im scared. im very scared.
i just hope i really dont screw up tmr. i want an a2, PLEASE.

so instead of meeting my dad during parent/teacher meeting, mrs thong called my mom up in the afternoon instead. BUT before that, she called my phone and last a voice mail which i couldn't hear since i didn't have my password. now, how in the world did she get my number? she spoke to my mom for close to an HOUR. apparently, mrs thong was wondering how i spent my time at home cos i seemed to be doing my work in class but the results weren't showing. HURHUR. dad said that both mr peh and prs chan seemed very keen to find out whether i was form a dysfunctional family. OKAY.

i think it's pretty much settled that im dropping bio. mrs chia wants me to drop at least one subj, and mrs thong spoke to my mom about asking me to drop too. ive always been reluctant to drop any subject because i always wanted to give myself a shot at it before just giving it up altogether. but considering the fact that since last yr till now i've only passed 1 or 2 bio CAs and plus the fact that i dont think im gonna somehow manage to start passing by prelims, i've decided to drop it. bio's interesting, and we've got a good teacher this year, but all the same i think i should drop it so that i've got more time with my other subjects.

chinese is absolutely killing me. im more worried about paper 1 then paper 2. im just scared that the topics that are gonna come out are things that i've totally no idea what to write about. RAHHHHHHH.

i had this totally weird dream about how we were marked for chinese Os. the paper that we sit for is just 50% of our grades. what makes up the other half depends on whether the judges like you! all students sit in the hall at the assigned tables/chairs while the whole stage is filled with teachers and judges from all over spore. one by one, they call out someone's name and she's gotta stand up from where she is. the judges take a good look at her and if they dont like how she looks cos her hair's messy or she ain't too pretty, they FAIL her. so overall, even if she did very well in the paper itself, she ends up with a really really horrible grade.

i shall go back to checking up the hard words in the cloze passages for chinese tys.

good luck to all those sitting for the MT Os tmr too! :)

2006-05-19T20:27:00.000+08:00

I HATE THIS STICKY, HUMID, SWEATY WEATHER! someone, bring on the rain & storms please.

we had netball interclass ytday, and even though we didn't win, we absolutely rocked! :DD jacq's the best ream manager/coach EVER. we lost to 4e9, but we beat 4e6 and 4e9. the game against 4e8 was the absolute BEST. everything just seemed to fall into place, great passes, less stepping, interceptions, fast running, everything you could ever ask for considering the fact that we trained so little. we were GOOD! & the supporters were GREEAAAT too! (: haha, after the 4e8 match, they did the WAVE for us! HAHA((: they ROCKED lah. i could always hear them scream nonstop during all the games. it's ok that we didn't win this interclass, let's do well for XCOUNTRY! :D suddenly, i feel like joining xc and running till i drop to help 4e7 win the level title again. I LOVE 4E7! :DDDD <3

so we've gotta get back to school tmr for speech day, 4.5hr long speech day. roar. i really hope it ends earlier. i can't imagine being stuck in the bloody hall for 4over hours. GAHH. i could be something more productive at home, like doing my chinese TYS. i dont htink it's gonna help much, but im checking up all those words i dont know in hope of improving my vocab a little.

the chinese relief teacher is hilarious and weird. she's so quirky! i thought tankk was bad; going off topic every few secs to tell us her life story, but this teacher beats her TOTALLY. i've not laughed so long & so hard for a very long time.

i dont understnad what's going on with this whole "argument" thingy. all i know is that it all boils down to one person? GAH. haha, and jiayi dont be so mean to me on the phone anymore ok!

why not pretend it never happened?

2006-05-17T20:43:00.000+08:00

i beginning to realise that im blogging less and less frequently now.

ANYWAY

viv cut her hair! haha! & she brought a FAN to school today :D YAY, byebye to sticky humid days i hope. trust joz to hit her cheek with the fan while fanning herself.

we played netball today during recess, since the interclass is TMR. the practise was kinda messy, but it was fun all the same. sweaty, sticky, hot fun((: i've not had so much fun & sweating it out for such a long time, it felt good to go red&dark under the sun again :DD hopefully we'll all remember to defend without contact, and no stepping tmr(: haha, i dont mind what position we get it's the fun im after. TO JOY; hopefully her foot will be better by tmr so she can play(:

i finished doing one whole chapter of amath today; equal/distinct, etc roots. im so proud of myself, except for the tinny fact that i can't solve all the questions so i'll have to find help. :/ next topic im gonna finish is TRIGO. trigo's always been killing me, but this time, im gonna kill it! [: HAHA.

the past 2 days have been quite awful. i did things i've never done before, i just dont know what got into me. and maybe that's what caused what happened today ait. if it's any point at all, im sorry.

it's funny, so often the things that make me happy are the things that make me sad too. :(

i always said i HATED flowers, now i realise i dont!
I LOVE ROSES((: dont ask why, i kept seeing people holding roses today. & it dawned on me that they were really pretty.

oh you'll never know

2006-05-10T19:01:00.000+08:00

what can be worse than this?

ytday; cried like shit after recess all because of that. just when i thought that it wasn't so important to me that i could cry about it, i cried.
today; cried like some fucking sai shit after we got back amaths. missed almost half of chinese cos i was crying my eyes out in the stupid toilet. i dont know how i did so badly please, this is the subject i studied so hard for. went for chinese and ended up crying somemore :( then i cried again during chem titration and i had to ask linyi for tissue again, thankyou. then when i got home, mom asked me about amaths & i cried like for another fucking hour lah.

roar. my eyes hurt like shit & they're all puffy lah even after i tried to have a nap.

3 fucking f9s and a e8 so far. NO ONE could possibly do worse than me.

it doesn't pay to work hard.

i went to see ms lui to check marks and pass the money from viv. she asked me how come i did so badly. i said i reallyy practiced a lot and studied very hard. AND WHAT DID SHE SAY "no. obvoiusly you didn't practice enough!" screw you lah. then ang had to tell me off too, called me LAZY somemore. all i asked was how come i didn't get any marks for my working, i wasn't even begging for marks lah.

:(((((

[: edna was cute today, trying to pass the note under my desk and she wouldn't stretch her arm at all! haha. KNOW WHAT EDNA; what you said ytday about the 3 of them when we were checking eng in the hall did make me happier. ((: <3

i should've known it was more than just, a passing phase.
everyday, i'd crave for more.
those stares & glances, the uneasy feeling.
questions and my own answers,
i want to know.
i really wonder what would happen if ; you knew.
i keep dreaming, it's the same.
i know you're there, but funny ain't it
you disappear once i awake.
so tomorrow,
i want to know what will happen.
where's my book of
answers?

CH<3

2006-05-07T18:57:00.000+08:00

I FINALLY GOT A PHONE! :DD

im such a happy girl now. [: the FIRST person to receive my msg was SYU, haha. my husband what, if i dont msg her first she may just kill me. HAHAHA. syu; dont be mean to me anymore ok. if not, i'll ... DIVORCE you!

gahh, the queue at starhub's was soooooo long i tell you. i spent like close to 2 bloody hours queing up! there was this weird indonesian (i think) guy who was wearing a bright orange fbt singlet and jeans, who approached me and started asking me weird things. "you queing up?" "no? then why are you here?" "you want to be here, must line up you know" ROAR. like wtf please?! i was waiting for my number lah. and he kept touching my arm & i kept moving away from him until i called very loudly for my dad to save me form this freak. weird guy no.2 was this guy from SonyEricsson. he gave me this brochure with all the phones, so i just took it. then he kept smiling at me! after he talks to some customer, he'll turn and smile and say " hello!". he said hello to me AT LEAST 5 times lah, until my dad got damn fed up and asked him whether he's done with saying hi to me! HAHA.

i spent ytday morning before tuition, begging mom for a phone. cos dad said that if she agreed, he'll get me one today. so YAY, im good at begging! :D the downside is; 1)i "promised" her that i wont have my phone around with me when im studying/doing homework 2) i've gotta pay $5 out of the $25plus of the bill every month.

i got the L6, since all the other phones were expensive, sorta. the phone's ok lah, it beats NOT HAVING ANY PHONE. [: it's such a FLAT phone! trust my brother to MEASURE how thick it was, slightly over 1cm! ohmy, so thin.

i dont want to stay back to go through chem paper tmr :(((((( i know i failed already lah, it's gonna be so depressing seeing everything that i got wrong and all. PLEASE let me get a good grade for emath!

you.

2006-05-05T16:56:00.000+08:00

today was quite a horrible today. but minus those unhappy things, i guess it was quite ok. it rained! :D perfect weather to just sleeeep away the day.

we've hardly gotten any papers back so far, but we're gonna get chinese, emath & chem all on MONDAY. gah, 3 heart attacks in one day. i know i did badly already, so i just want to get all this out of the way asap. mrschan passed down the list of chem marks today, and only 9 poeple out of 36 passed! pffft.

i wanted to just bitch away and rant about her. but it's really pointless i reaslied, cos if i really want her to know, i should just tell her face to face & thrash everything out. credits to my frisbee partner, i felt much better after letting some things out (: so i wont bother bitching about her here, cos right now, i just want to try and forget everything.

EDNA was annoying today. she said something really silly to me today. HAHA, it's the second time she's done this to me already!
/START
[i was writing a letter in class]
edna : rachel, write a letter to me and i'll give you a chocolate
me : [looks up at her, not quite catching anything yet]
enda : ... the chocolate got quite mouldy and turned green. i put it into the oven, and it elongated for some strange reason!
rachel : and it due to the oven's heat, it got burnt right?
enda : yeah! so it became dark chocolate
/END

HAHAHA :D trust edna to come up with this sort of things to say. she was so annoying today, but it's ok i still <3 you!

congrats to the sec one and two basketballers who made it into the Cdiv team :DD

of late, recess consists of eating and playing frisbee till either 4e6 or 4e7's teachers come to class. HAHA :DD frisbee's damn fun lah. my frisbee can't fly straight :( it will fling to the left then curve to the right and fly right out of the corridor, all the way down to the GROUND FLOOR! every single time we play, without fail, it will fly down. and almost all the time , it's actually .. er .. my fault. but my frisbee partner's nice, she does downstair's to pick it up too! :D

i dont want to go to washington, for good. gah, i can't imagine what it would be like. im quite scared, roarr.

:(((

dont you realise anything?

2006-05-01T17:31:00.000+08:00

SHIT. my right ear lobe's hurting like hell lah. it's all red & painful now, im so scared of bloody infection :(( it feels so puffy and swollen, UGH :(((

it took me 2.5hrs to clear the mess i made in the study and my room from all that mugging. i uncovered so much lost stuff, haha. every 15mins i'd find another 8days or smth, and i'd end up reading it. so that explains why i took so long.

FINALLY there's grey clouds in the sky, maybe it rain :D it's been so bloody hot for the past few afternoons, it'd better rain soon man!

so there was another fuckin round of arguments again. i dont understnad why can't they just leave me alone. i know running's always been improtant to him and all that, but im not gonna be the one who's gonna continue whatever legacy he has and win an olympic medal for him. i just dont WANT to run. and for some godforsaken reason,he's finds that rather hard to comprehend. i mean SO WHAT if he ran world class times when he was in america? good for him, but i dont give a shit. that's what he could do, not me. he said it's in the genes, yeah well maybe his grandchildren will be world class runners, but not me. it's always been this same old argument, he wanting me to run and me not wanting to. i just dont find the joy in it, as he does.

he wants me to do a hundred and one fuckin things which i dont want to do. i can't run, and i wont run.

OH and the latest? if i want a handphone, i must ;
1) run 11mins or under for 2.4km
or
2)get 1st for xc this year

forget it.

SYU, dont think too much about things yeah. too bad she was in a hurry to get off the phone, if not we could've talked more <3

vivid dreams,
and all i remembered was you.

2006-04-28T20:48:00.000+08:00

ohmy, i've not blogged in ages. ohwell.

midyrs are finally over! :D but it's nothing much to be happy about, after all i know i've done absolute shit for everyone of them. and there's still prelims & Os to come. annndddd i just ofund out today that chinese Os are 1month1day away! shit.

so ytday mc, steffi& i headed to town for a early TakeTheLead(: the show was bloody good, and everyone can dance really really well. even though the cinema was quite small, there was only 6 people, including the 3 of us. i can't stand it, that asian guy in the show idontknowwhatshisname is so hot please! ((:

I FINALLY PIERCED MY EARS :D :D :D i swear, if mc wasn't there, i wouldn't have pierced. i wanted to back out so badly cos i was scared shit, but she just dragged me in. thankyou dear <3 after that, i kept peering into every mirror to look at my ears, haha.

i was so tired when i got home ytday, we walked like everywhere in town. we went in and out of every shop, pulling at clothes to look at. haha(: we met quite a few tk people at town, so cool.

TODAY, was an absolute waste of time, especially the inspirational talk that left joy, viv & i quite annoyed more than anything else. it's not that i look down on the disabled or any shit like that, please lah, anyone with 11 things under his name has plenty of respect from me. i just can't stand the whole approach of the speech today. i just saw EGO everywhere in each slide. & please, im not gonna donate if i've gotta have the posters. i dont mind doanting, but please, no posters please. i didn't mean to fall asleep, but it was so frigging stuffy/warm/boring, i couldn't really help it.

i feel really guilty about not studying enough for midyears, sighh. i dont carel im gonna force myself to study early and be consistent. i can't afford to make any more mistakes abou studying late and not knowing my work well, the next round of exams is already prelims.

THIS IS SO COOL. i was gonna call syu cos we've not talked in ages, then SHE CALLED ME! haha, how cool is that oyu tell me? she said that we've got TELEPATHY! hahaa(:
syu; dont worry dear. it's nothing about distrust or anything like that. dont think about such absurd things ok. (: i miss talking to syu.

&if i kissed you,
would dinosaurs cry.

2006-04-25T21:33:00.000+08:00

goodluck to all for emath&mt2 tmr((:

i shall vow to not go to friendster anymore.

pictues tell a thousand words,
but they evoke a million feelings too.

and im really hoping this is gonna go away,
cos it's not doing me any good.

six.

that's such a coincidence isn't it.

scary.

dark chocolate <3
haha(:

2006-04-23T13:19:00.000+08:00

geog's tmr ANDD im still half way through my first chapter. /: i keep forgetting how canyons and gorges are formed, they all seem the same to me. and i dont know what diagrams to drawy if they ask to show the formation of waterfalls. im just really glad vegetation isn't included, cos i really hate hate hate that chapter.

i wish there were a paper 1 to pull up my grades for geog. Having just paper 2 is like a sure way to die for me. AND even if i were to pass the geog midyrs, i'd still fail for this term cos clever me got 7.5/25 for the previous geog ca. HURH.

i wasted the whole morning today ; i kept dozing off while making notes for geog. then i decided to stop writing notes cos it's so time consuming and with/without the notes im prolly gonna forget everything anyway, so why bother. HAHA.

i had the COOLEST dream last night! students DROVE to school, and teachers .. WALKED! nomatter how far the teachers stayed, they had to WALK. then some of them were late of school, and the students booked them! :D haha.

ok, i better get going. there's still 4 more chapters of geog, lit & chem to do.
3 more days till the end of the midyrs! ((: i can't wait.
the first thin im gonna do when i get back on wed is SLEEP. im not gonna bother with going out, all i want is my sleep.

i shall try studying in the living room instead. it feels less cramped. the study table i was studying at was piled high with books/files/papers /: NOT CONDUSIVE.

<3

2006-04-21T22:11:00.000+08:00

i've not blogged in ages, gahh. everything's been busy busy busy mug mug mug mug mug.

i think all the papers have been absolute SHIT so far. i really think i wrote a totally wrong compo for english. gah, how the fuck am i ever gonna get a friggin a1 in time for the bloody Os. everything else has just gone down hill from there. ss was so ... ARGHFUCKROAR. all those hints were just ot mislead us lah! like wth. either hint properly or dont hint lah. waste my bloody time, what industrialisation? housing? i chose question 4 and wrote everything based on my geog knowledge, which is like quite shitty too. i think so far the best paper's been amath. except that i've made some careless mistakes, i should have been able to do quite alright. BUTTTT i got nervous, and got all careless. so i can say BYEBYE to that as well. i wrote only FOUR fucking lines for a 30mark sectionC. i've always just aimed to pass bio, now i'll just aim for 30%.

&& everyone please drum it into my head that it's only midyrs, not prelims or Os. gah.

on a very different subject, i can't stand HER. i've never said i like her, actually, i've always said that i can't stnad her. oh i know everyone has their bitchy moments, but PLEASE LAH, bitching is her life ! gah, of all the gossip, brign up such old ones somemore. and if she doesn't care, why bring it up in the first place? she still dares to tell me that it doesnt bother her why viv dislikes her, THEN WHY ASK ME TO FIND OUT MORE HUH. it was such a one sided conversation, she and her bitching. she and her nonsense bitching, thinking she's got gorgeous legs, nice hair .. WHATEVER. she's doesn't even have the respect to talk SOFTER when the teachers are teaching. you can hear her yakking away like .. all the time. roar. i wanna tape her mouth and strangle her with her long beautiful hair.

i love my mom((: i told her about how i really screwed up today, and she was surprisingly ok with it!

geog geog geog. i've gotta rush all 5 chapters in less than 2 days and finish up my chem. i dont care. i MUST PASS CHEM, or i'll just die. at least let me write something more than 4 fucking lines for 30marks.

it lingers.

in my world of
make belief

2006-04-12T20:21:00.000+08:00

we beat Fuhua sec 40-29! the jnrs played well! they really fought hard for the rebounds and their fastbreaks were good today(: im so glad i went down to watch today's game together with syu :D credits to joy for telling me what to tell the cab driver, haha. clever syu only brought like $8 bucks to school today even though she knew we had to take a cab -.- but thankfully, traffic was ok so it didn't take long.

it felt so weird, to see coach talking to them during timeouts and after the game, and knowing you're not part of the group of people that coach is talking to. it felt so strange to hear coach say the things we're so used to her saying after a game, but not to us this time. it's starting to really hit me that we're no longer part of the team :( at least we got to do our usual cheer with the rest of them as per normal, that felt great even though we were sandwiched with very sweaty people! (:

the journey home was ... NOISY! :D it all started when i told syu that everytime i saw an escalator, i'd immediately think of the time amanda and i ended up in potong pasir and i almost stepped onto the escalator coming TOWARDS me. so upon hearing that, syu brilliantly decided to msg amanda and tell her that I MISSED HER! so she got carried away of cos, and it led to each of us missing each other, and all of us going home to each other, waiting for food from each other! HAHAHAHA :D syu & her nonsense!

only time will tell,
i like(:

2006-04-11T14:23:00.000+08:00

it's 2.30pm now, i should make a move and start going for tuition actually but im in class blogging :/

3 free periods today! but yet i feel so unaccomplished, gahh.

NEVER EVER have lit as first period. i really tried hard to stay awak ok! at first i didn't want to sleep cos viv was alrdy asleep and it'd be REALLY obvious if TWO heads were down instead of ONE. so i controlled my sleepyness & tried to stay awak, until i REALLY couldn't take it anymore and i just plopped myself on the desk.

i rmb waking up quite a few times and thinking, "she's STILL teaching?". it seriously felt like the whole day had gone by already lah.

chem & ca periods were free periods since none of the teachers came in! i managed to finish my bio notes today and do some tys for rate of reaction. :D :D i can't stand the sight of hydrogen peroxide anymore, it keeps appearing everywhere!

chinese was interesting as usual. HAHH. everything's getting more interesting each day.

&&wont you stare right back into my eyes too(:

2006-04-10T07:06:00.000+08:00

i've realised that nomatter how long i mug, it's not actually possible for me to be able to study and REMEMBER everything that we're supposed to know for midyrs, in time for the exams. there's just a mere 10 more 9 more days! it's so hard to focus on midyrs when we were still having CAs up till last week and the teachers haven't finished teaching what's gonna be tested yet! gah, but i know i started studying too late and i wasn't organised and stuff. all i can say is that im glad this is just the midyrs and not the prelims, although that's a really wrong attitude.

i told my mom i'll pass;
1)eng
2)chinese
3)emath
4)amath
5)chem
6)lit

and probably fail;
7)ss
8)bio
9)geog

& rather surprisingly, mom took it quite well. she told dad, who was ALSO fine with it. all he said was " i do hope you intend to pass everything in time for prelims".

(:

& all this really isn't going anywhere. the whispers&stares all mount up to nothing. frustrating reall, but what could i expect to happen?

GIVE ME THE WORDS AND I'LL SAY THEM
LIKE I MEAN IT ((:

2006-04-05T19:50:00.000+08:00

:D the sec 3s did well (: they beat NGEE ANN SEC 31-29! yay, like finally(: i still rmb the snrs played them during zoanls at the Tampines court, and we went into extra time too just like ytday's match! but sadly, we lostthat year. but nevermind! we finally beat them :D they lost to yuying today, but it's ok! jx said they played well and fought hard, and that's all that really counts. skillwise, they're better than us, so they did deserve to win anyway(:

so i was listening to this morning's assembly announcements and the prefect announced that the sec 3s beat ngee ann blahblahblah. then later on when principal mrslim took over the mic, she congratulated BADMINTON and bowling for playing well yadayada. EXCUSE ME, but BADMINTON didn't play any matches, it was BASKETBALL! and they dare to scold us for not listening to morning announcements, LOOK WHO'S THE ONE NOT PAYING ATTN NOW!

we got back our prelim oral marks today! i PASSED my PASSAGE READING! :D i only scored 3/5, but it's better than failing and getting 2/5 last yr. this yr's passage wasn't as hard, last yr's one was a real killer! i dunnoe why my examiner only asked me ONE question, it didn't really give me much to talk about. i thought chenglaoshi said that they'd give like 3 questions?! roar, so i didn't say much and ended up only getting 10/15 for the conversation portion. but nvm, im quite satisfied with my 13/20 score even though that's only like a B3.

: / mom dropped a plate while washing the dishes just now and now she's got like cuts all over. so scary!

actually, im starting to like Rate of Reaction. higher temp, higher concentration of acid, more reactants = faster reaction. HAHA, but the tys questions are killing me. roar.

exactly TWO weeks to midyrs. oh, and principal mrslim said that the'res only 1andahalf more weeks. someone, shoot her please. daft twit.

ok, back to my books. study study study.

i can't wait till Os are over lah. im so sick of studying and midyrs aren't even OVER yet :(

nice(:

2006-04-04T20:41:00.000+08:00

well, at least she's in heaven now. no more pain for her from her bad fall, which caused a stroke, follwed by pneumonia. mom&dad's at the wake now.

gahh, i haven't blogged in ages. the last matchfor the sec 4s wasn't exactly fantastic. we all cried such a whole lot. we didn't play well, but what hurt the most was that there was talk about giving up. i understand that coach doesn't feel encouraged when she trains us so hard and tries her best to pass her skills to us, and yet we can't perform. the expectations aren't really high, and yet we can't meet them. all iv'e gotta say is; please dont give up on us. we haven't given up on ourselves, so please dont either. we've improved so much since she's came, even though we've not won many. but we really have improved a lot. && im so sure if the team continues to train this hard, next yr's zonals are gonna be much better. it was disappointing that we couldn't play well, but it's over and done with. 4 yrs in the team, has come and gone. 2 different coaches, and many different mates. there've been tough times aplenty, but we stuck with it. as few matches that we've won, as few schools we've emerged victorious, im still really proud of my mates. ALL THE BEST, much love(:

15 fucking days to midyrs. and i've not done much.

it scares me like shit, and that's what makes me cry so bad.

2006-03-25T20:45:00.000+08:00

i just read some jnrs blogs, and im really disappointed. i always knew all along what was going on with that girl, but i think it's really gone too far. i've never seen any argument blown up to that extent,what more the girl isn't even in the team yet. they've got so little respect for the snrs, i feel like telling them off.

so often during this year, iv'e dreaded trngs for many reasons, many of which have nothing much to do with the trng itself, but because of other factors. but now, as i think about the fact that next thursday will officially be our LAST MATCH as bballers of tkg, it really IS quite sad.

i dont care whether coach benches me again for one whole fucking match, i just want to be there among my teammates cheering them on. i want to PLAY, but if coach thinks im WEAK again, then i'll warm the bloody bench for her with my ass if that's what she wants.

it feels really good to see us fight so hard for something we want so much. & it's really nice to see the whole team improve so so much since we entered the team in sec 1. we've lost a lot, and won few, but we've improved, we definately have(:

isn't it funny that syu/amanda/i have gotten so much closer in this last year? haha, but i guess that's how things go. i'vek nown amanda since P3, and only now we're close, awfully pathetic but better late then never. it's funny, i never thought i'd be able to open up to amanda just like i do with syu <3 but the good thing is, it's easy to talk to her, about anything. ANDDDD one plus point is, she does make HUGE EXAGGERATED sounds of exclamation like syuhaidah!

alright, enough of all this reminscing(sp?). i shall save all the rest that i have to say after thursday, and hopefully we'll be able to have the jnrs there to cheer us <3 that'd be really nice.

I FOUND THIS REALLY NICE CHOCOLATE BLOG SKIN :D

but no worries, cos im not gonna change my current one to it. i know syu will kill me, and steffi would just be at a loss of words AYE? HAHA.

edna & i had fun playing brainteasers on friday :D I KNEW IT, i guessed right all along. haha (:

good luck(:

&& that beat that mes me skip(:

2006-03-24T06:44:00.000+08:00

it was such a close match, that's what made losing even harder. we played so well, we fought back so hard, but we still lost. WE PLAYED WELL :D so jiayou for the next match! :D

weak? im never gonna forget that.

thankyou to amanda for following me to go eat! haha, we were so LOUD at dhoby ghaut station. && she saved me like TWICE ytday! i didn't hear the car behind me, so she had to pull me aside, then she had to scream at me when i almost stepped onto the escalator coming TOWARDS me instead of AWAY. HAHA, and people were staring at us lah. cos we were so LOUD/NOISY.

I LIKE CHOCOLATES I LIKE CHOCOLATES I LIKE CHOCOLATES I LIKE CHOCOLATES I LIKE CHOCOLATES I LIKE CHOCOLATES I LIKE CHOCOLATES I LIKE CHOCOLATES I LIKE CHOCOLATES I LIKE CHOCOLATES I LIKE CHOCOLATES I LIKE CHOCOLATES I LIKE CHOCOLATES I LIKE CHOCOLATES I LIKE CHOCOLATES I LIKE CHOCOLATES I LIKE CHOCOLATES I LIKE CHOCOLATES I LIKE CHOCOLATES I LIKE CHOCOLATES I LIKE CHOCOLATES I LIKE CHOCOLATES I LIKE CHOCOLATES I LIKE CHOCOLATES I LIKE CHOCOLATES I LIKE CHOCOLATES I LIKE CHOCOLATES I LIKE CHOCOLATES I LIKE CHOCOLATES I LIKE CHOCOLATES I LIKE CHOCOLATES I LIKE CHOCOLATES I LIKE CHOCOLATES I LIKE CHOCOLATES I LIKE CHOCOLATES I LIKE CHOCOLATES I LIKE CHOCOLATES I LIKE CHOCOLATES I LIKE CHOCOLATES I LIKE CHOCOLATES I LIKE CHOCOLATES I LIKE CHOCOLATES I LIKE CHOCOLATES I LIKE CHOCOLATES I LIKE CHOCOLATES I LIKE CHOCOLATES I LIKE CHOCOLATES I LIKE CHOCOLATES I LIKE CHOCOLATES I LIKE CHOCOLATES I LIKE CHOCOLATES I LIKE CHOCOLATES I LIKE CHOCOLATES I LIKE CHOCOLATES I LIKE CHOCOLATES I LIKE CHOCOLATES

(:

chocolates are so NICE&TEMPTING,
but they are
BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADD.

so i must stop liking chocolates NOW.

this is really getting out of hand.

i still like chocolates.

ah fuck.

2006-03-21T06:45:00.000+08:00

YAY! :D

TK beat Tampines Sec 41-26! :D well done tk, jiayou for the remainding .. EIGHT matches! :D everyone was in such a good mood ytday lah, including coach. haha(: we made some mistakes, but overall we played well! coach said than naina, amanda, syu and i had no strength! but at least she did say that my 4th quarter was better. :DD

during the match, i fell and landed on my left hip. PAINFUL i tell you! :( then just as i was gonna get up, this Tampines Sec girl FELL and LANDED ON ME! she still can say OWW somemore, when I should be the one saying that since she fell on MY KNEE! && she's so HEAVY!

GUESS WHAT HAPPENED TO MY BELOVED GREY-ING WALLET DURING RECESS?

i was lining up for malay food and there was this group of rowdy & very hyper/high malay sec 2s who kept LAUGHING and pushing each other. just as i was taking out my money from my wallet to pay the auntie, they all were fooling around and LURCHED FORWARD AND PUSHED ME! so i fell of cos, ANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD my wallet FLEW into the air and LANDED IN THE CHILLI!

anyone who laughs, EG. SYU, is a meanie ok.

so i had to end up throwing away my wallet cos there was chilli everywhere and even if i could wash the stains away, the smell and the oil would be there. & it'd end up attracting ants and all!
:((((

so ytday after recess, my wallet was made up of the KAYA TOAST PLASTIC BAG (minus the kaya toast of cos!) and a RUBBER BAND to hold everything together.

SYU's really horrible. she's insecure! just when she found out that amanda and i maybe divorcing her, she went and got herself a third wife. she needs a safety net! SHEESH. this gives me a ADDED reason to divorce her, and im pretty sure so would amanda :D

i just realised, it's gonna be pretty sad when it's gonna be time for us to leave the bball team. im gonna miss the jnrs and AMANDA & SYU(: awwww, as much as i dont wanna be syu's WIFE anymore, i'll still miss her! <3 syu said that she's gonna REPROPOSE to me -.- i haven't even divorced her properly yet how to remarry!

HAHAHAHA. i think syu's mad.

i spent 1.5 hrs teaching my brother how to do his HISTORY SBQs last night. poor kid, he's got to deal with all the provenance to tone shit. i dont recall learning that in sec ONE. and he didn't know how to interpret all the sources, so i ended up doing the hmwk for him, then he just wrote everything i said on his fooolscap paper.

anw, to my teammates ; we fought well today, so let's JIAYOU for the rest of our matches ok! next match is on THURS at CCAB, so far! it's all the way at the old NIE, newton! roar. we're playing against Regent.

right next door(:

2006-03-12T18:55:00.000+08:00

i wasted my whole weekend by watching 3 movies and not touching my books at all.

& steffi/charlotte/jiayi/mc ; happy studying at kallang.

this addiction just wont stop.

2006-03-11T18:36:00.000+08:00

the term's ended and im really glad. the last 2 weeks have been complete shit, cos i dont feel like paying attention to anything anymore. we got back our results, they're not fantastic, they never are. but nevertheless, im not disappointed. to say im happy with what i got, would be really wrong. of cos im not happy. i got over 20 fucking points. but im happy with both my math this term, and my ss. mom didn't scold, she was more shocked at how low our cohort averages were, and she was terribly surprised that i did get above average for some subjects. so, im quite satisfied, i guess. (:

this week made me really broke. i owe viv 90cents, and yasmin 50cents. and i owe steffi 4bucks. i spent a lot of money on food and other things this week. but i dont mind, cos it was worth it. :D

the plan worked, and im really happy :D

i loved every bit about friday. apart from the joyous fact that it was the last day of term 1, other things happened of course.

AND YOU WERE GONE AT THE GREEN LIGHT.

2006-03-09T21:00:00.000+08:00

i hardly paid attention in class today.
i was just TOO distracted.

I LIKE :D

FIREWORKS <3

I REALLY REALLY LIKE :D

2006-03-08T20:21:00.000+08:00

I WAS WRONG.

GUESS WHO TURNED UP TODAY.

LET THIS TORUTURE END SOON,
I REALLY CAN'T STAND IT ANY LONGER.

& WHY DONT YOU JUST DISAPPEAR.

2006-03-07T21:59:00.000+08:00

we won ngee ann sec 31-28 :D

i had the reallynicebutsupertastyanddefinetlyfullofsaltmsgandFAT cup noodle & milo, then i had ROLLER COASTERS on the bus with amanda, which i ate for out of pure greed since i THOUGHT i was still hungry but im not too sure.

i must learn to excersice SELF CONTROL. where's my discipline! :[

i have not started studying for the bio spring on hormones this thursday. i brought homye my bio text, it's sitting on the table right now. but i choose to be here blogging about nothing much in particular. i flipped through the chapter and realised it's quite a lot. ah, then i brilliantly decided to just rush through and cram everything in my head tmr, after i get back from lit screening.

in other words, i just dont want to study. :D

i am officially broke since i took out 12bucks from my allowance early this week to prevent me from spending too much on food like last week, plus i lent aisyah 2bucks today.

:D im skipping amath remedial tmr, for the lit screening. edna said it was good, i hope it is :D ANNNDDD i JUST realised that (eyesore)'s gonna be there tmr.

i've got a cold. my nose is running. roar.

damn it.
IT'S WORSE THAN I THOUGHT.

2006-03-06T21:02:00.000+08:00

I JUST WISH I WERE BLIND.

YOU'RE DRIVING ME ABSOLUTELY NUTS.

2006-03-05T18:34:00.000+08:00

i like steffi's new house :D nice nice white walls, nice nice sofa & nice nice bedspread plus a nice nice sister! :D :D steffi's got tons of clothes, and she still doesn't know what to wear sometimes. SHEESH.

they can say what they bloody want to, eventually it'll be up to you whether i want out or not. so tough shit for them.

i didn't bring home my bio text. HOW TO STUDY?! edna said the test wont be tmr cos it's practicaly lesson, BUT sometimes we have class lesson instead of lab. shit.

i didn't bring home emath either. greeeaaat.

THERE'S SCH TMR :D haha.

2006-03-04T18:06:00.000+08:00

FINALLY. i had to change skin cos i really couldn't fix the other one and i couldn't find anyone to help me fix it. that's too bad really, the other one was really nice(: i liked the picture of the rose!

tuition was such a tiring affair. it ALWAYS is, especially chem. roar.

school's gonna end. i dont know whether to be happy or sad. it's only 1 week of hols and it's gonna be gonne REAL QUICK & im gonna be mugging like crap all day.

steffi's bugging me on the phone now. HAHA. im not gonna tell her, NO WAY! im giving her hints, but she 's so blur lah!

HAHA :D

2006-03-04T11:12:00.004+08:00

dang, my links are screwed.

and this secret i do not dare tell anyone. i know for sure that syu will SCREAMM AND YELL the whole place down, and steffi/jiayi/charlotte will shriek themselves hoarse.

im gonna be late for chem tuition :D

& i just wasted the whole morning THINKING. it was a complete waste of time, since i came to no conclusion!

i ought to give my self one tight slap.

2006-03-02T21:06:00.000+08:00

im so tired.
we got in for both 4by100m and 4by400m i think, 3rd for both heats. rarh, so frustrating. i feel so damn bad lah.

i know it was bad to avoid and not say hi. i fel so bad, maybe i'll go call & talk for a short while or smth. ease my bloody guilt, hah.

MELODY <3
take care ok. get well soon, and rmb to eat before you pop your medicine alright?
LOVE YOU(:

IM BLOODY TIRED.

2006-03-01T18:14:00.000+08:00

i had such a weird dream last night. i dreamnt that i was being chased after by PREFECTS, yes tkgs prefects! and they had GUNS! you see, prefects PATROL the BSBS buses. the walk up and down the aisles to make sure that no tkgians are being inconsiderate by sitting on the outer seat etc. & in my dream, i always sat at the outer seat so i didn't hafta sit with anyone and i could sleep the whole way to school. naturally, the prefects BOOKED me almost everyday, and they got really mad with me. but i couldn't careless. till one day when i reached school, someone pulled me aside and whispered in such hushed urgent tones (!!), and told me to HIDE, for the prefetcs were SEARCHING FOR ME, to KILL me. yeah so, i really RAN and tried to HIDE cos i was really scared of getting shot and kill. EUNICE, our headprefect found me! she was holding a gun just like the others, but she was nice and didn't shoot me. she said " rachel, i've known you since p5 (which is true!) so i dont want to shoot you. go hide, and i'll pretend that i didn't see you at all" ain't eunice nice(: so suddenly there was this huge flood of green tkgians walking to somewhere ( i dont know where) and i decided to just walk with them and hopefully i wouldn't be spotted. but suddenly this prefect spotted me, and i KNEW she spotted me. just as she lifted her GUN to SHOOT me, i ducked and this other girl got shot TWICE instead. and blood was GUSHING out from her STOMACH and THROAT. ugh, blood blood blood everywhere /:

and that's the end of my dream. it's so retarded! i told me mom, and a few people in class. haha :D maybe it means that our school system is really getting too, erm .. strict? I DUNNOE KNOW lah.

anyway, we got back emath paper today. im quite happy with my marks, i could've gotten 33/40. but i didn't. i counted my marks for this term, OHMY, i need 0.25 more % to get an a2! roar. i dont wanna get this term's progress report back lah, it's not PROGRESS at all. it's REGRESS can!

hopefully i'll get to jomaine and vanessa tmr at vj. it's been absolutely AGES since i last saw them. i miss them like crazy <3

and i ate PRATA for lunch. bloody hell lah. i must learn to control. i must learn not to be so hungry. im FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT :( i want to be 40kg and not an ounce more, than i'll be very happy :D :D but since i dont think i'll ever be able to achieve that weight in this lifetime, i ought to lower my expectations, if not im gonna be such an unhappy girl all my life aye?

tmr i MUST eat less, if not i wont be able to run at all with so much FATTY FOOD inside my tummy. gahh, someone restrain me please.

midyears are in april right? then why am i so scared NOW?

we've got another round of tournaments next week, and i dont think anyone's going for tnrg tmr. haha, coach's gonna be pissed. but i dont care :D

im running both relays tmr. haha, it should be fun. i just hope we dont end up last for anything. i'd much rather run the 3km crosscountry though. i dont know why, i've always loved xcountry more (:

GOOD LUCK TO ALL TENNIS GIRLS for their game tmr. YEAH(: hopefully they'll beat mgs :D

im HUNGRY /: AGAIN! RARHHHHHH.